Destiny, You have got to stop worrying about his every move. You were doing so well w/galing....go back to galing and think positive.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Destiny, Take some time and go read the thread written by WenikiTiki called His MLC or Mine? Wendy is do a great job galing and you just might be able to pick up some pointers.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Having a bad morning. H told me he not attracted to me and is finding it hard to have s$x. he is gone. I am having a hard cry.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
I am so sorry but it is part of the MLC for so many - there are those who continue to have good relationship in that area, but I suspect the overwhelming majority get this message from our MLC spouses.
Please take a moment to think about this: what normal person tells their spouse of many years this, and does not expect it to be hurtful? It is not normal to just tell someone you love and care for that you do not find them attractive any longer.
Please help me. I am having a hard time and I don't know what to do. I really don't want to do this...
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
I am thinking about going away today; staying at a hotel. I don't want to see my H now an di am not telling him I am leaving. I am hurt and I don't want to cry in front of him. I feel like everything I have done for me, our M, and him are pointless. I am feeling down in a major way and cannot control the crying.
He is agin projecting everything on me. I tried to initaite s$x but he turned me down and why I asked if there was a problem, that when he told me he wasn't attracted to me because I seemed "off" - detached. Then he said that sometimes he feels as though I still doubt his honesty about the OW and that turns him off. I felt insulted and we got into a discussion. I feel like he is projecting his thoughts on me. I have been here before and I feel like I have backslided. don't know what to do.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
I cannot talk to friends or family. I am home trying to find a place to go.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
Destiny, You have been here on the board for quite some time and are aware that depression/mlc will have people saying things, such as they are not attracted to us any longer, the feelings are gone, etc. That is why you have to step back and understand that this is how your h feels right now, these are his feelngs and trust me, his true feelings are stuffed way, way down within his soul.
Because your h has been exhibiting signs of depression/mlc, we all have been advising you to keep the focus on you, i.e., to your niche and continue living your life. Every little "hopeful" sign is just that, a sign w/no guarantee that he was coming out of his depression. I'm sorry that you've heard one of the many speeches that they say. So, now you know what you need to do...focus on you, work on you and whatever you do, do not leave your home. If worse comes to worse, he needs to be the one to leave since he's the one that feels the way he does.
Again, focus on you and understand that YOU can't change the way he feels. YOU are the only one in control of YOU and YOUR destiny.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
DU, I don't know you well (we have some close mutual friends) but I have followed along so I want to offer my thoughts ...
First ...
I'm sorry you are hurting. All of this has been a struggle for you and I hope you continue to reach out, not just here but IRL as well.
Second ...
Originally Posted By: DestinyUnknown
I feel like everything I have done for me, our M, and him are pointless.
If all that you have done has truly been for you then you would know in your heart that none of it was pointless. Sweetie, any work you've done on you has moved you forward ... that doesn't mean, however, that you won't ever feel hurt or pain. What it means is that you know you can heal from it. You have that strength.
Third ...
Originally Posted By: DestinyUnknown
I tried to initaite s$x but he turned me down and why I asked if there was a problem, that when he told me he wasn't attracted to me because I seemed "off" - detached. Then he said that sometimes he feels as though I still doubt his honesty about the OW and that turns him off. I felt insulted and we got into a discussion. I feel like he is projecting his thoughts on me.
What I heard when I read that, without the defensiveness that comes from being so close to a situation, was this ... he doesn't feel connected to you. As women, we often crave emotional connection first and then sex follows, men are usually credited with the opposite. Unfortunately, this sometimes does a disservice to men, who truly are also emotional beings. I'm not saying what he said to you wasn't hurtful or insensitive, but perhaps the message is what's important right now. He feels like you still don't trust him re OW/telling the truth and he doesn't feel connected.
One of the biggest issues I had in the beginning was learning to NOT get defensive when someone tried to share with me what they were feeling. It was hard. The thing is though, I often missed the message because I was so focussed on how I felt as a result of what they were saying.
Food for thought ...
(((hugs))) PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Thank you. But he is just going to be annoyed when he gets home. I think I should find an executive stay apartment. I do not want to interfere with him or what is going on.
I get completely mixed messages from him. When he wants me to talk and we talk; when he is neededy, I am there, but one small thing I try to inititate and it hurts my feelings. I understand with PEI and I have to learn not to feel the pain by his words, but to try listening to what he is saying.
I don't want to leave my home, but I feel that I must so as to avoid him completely.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
