Listen, 25 is giving you amazing advice, and for the most part you seem to skim and ignore her posts to you.
Your anger is palatable. If we can feel it here, how do you think your W feels?
Frankly ... there is no justification or rationalization that is going to satisfy you. How and why can she make decisions that are going to hurt your kids etc...
Simply, because she is an adult with the right to do so. Stop trying to figure out how she has rationalized it and start working on seeing/figuring out your part in what got you guys here ... THAT is the gift of the situation. You aren't helpless here, there are mistakes you made that you can learn from. The trick is though, you have to learn from them because YOU believe they were mistakes and you want to be a better person for YOU, not because it's only a tactic to bring her back.
You can not protect your children from all the hurt this world is going to throw at them. Nor should you. If you shelter them from pain their whole lives they won't learn the skills and strength to cope with disappointments and hurt later on. Don't get me wrong ... I'm a mom with claws like a polar bear when my cubs are threatened (you can see it in my own threads!) ... so I fully understand your WANTING to fix this for them. I tried too. When I finally let go of trying to manipulate my now ex into staying, out of guilt about what it would do to our kids, I was scared. But I knew my job was to teach them strength, and that sometimes life throws curveballs and that sometimes life hurts, but that we are going to be ok. This is not the end of the world ... sorry, I know that's not a popular sentiment in these parts, but it just isn't. It's different, and not what was planned ... but they will handle it based on the example that is set for them. My kids are thriving. We talk openly about their feelings and missing each other and how it's different. Conflict and anger and poison environments are far more damaging.
Redefine success. Detach. Lose the codependant streak (you seriously referred to her going to an xmas party without as a "bomb") - there is a great book out there, you'll find it if you google it.
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
