Oneeleven, maybe it's something in the water these guys are drinking! Hope you're surviving the weather we've been dealt today. Snowing hard where I live.
Thanks for commending my strength. You're not the first to say so. I learned a lot about myself after my brother died in 2005...much of my strength comes from those experiences. I asked myself a lot of hard questions about the choices I'd made in my relationships and the emptiness I was feeling. My whole approach changed, making me a stronger, happier, healthier person, but it also delivered me my husband. How's that for an ironic twist!
Do I want him back? Great question that I've been asking myself and pondering a lot. Not as the person he is, that's for sure. Not as the person who admittedly hid from me and who was capable of the lies, betrayal and abandonment he dealt to all of us. We were all fooled, that's for sure. However, I do think that his core self is very good, very kind and very loving. Whatever pain and issues he has run very, very deep, and he is admittedly scared to address them. Paralyzed with fear, you might say. I now wonder if something happened to him as a child. Who knows?
If he came to me tomorrow and said he wanted to reconcile I would explore the issue only if he agreed to go to marriage and individual counselling, and it would be a long, hard road. If after that I saw profound changes in how he communicates and his willingness to be vulnerable and not hide from me, then yes, I would have him back. Sad reality is that his deep fear will probably prevent him from doing any of that hard work. I love him dearly, but I also respect and love myself and deserve a lot better.
How about you? Will you set any parameters for your marriage, for yourself?
me 45 H 46 T 5 M 2.5 BD Sept 6 2011 OW Sept 8 2011 Threw him out Sept 8 2011
