Word of wisdom and to live by

[~ kd ~]

That's a good one, Andy...

I think if we were to put that into a "words of wisdom" frame:

When we wake up one day and wonder what happened to our spouse; what is this change? We might want to consider that, for the duration of our M, both people change. The stranger in our life isn't the only one who changed.

We might think we are the same people we were when we M, but we aren't. It only is in trauma that we realize how drastic and polar the changes are.

So the question is, how do we change to match our spouse, so long as it keeps with who we want to be?

[ANS]

So the question is, how do we change to match our spouse, so long as it keeps with who we want to be?

Yep. That's the million dollar question, isn't it? I tried to figure out a way of putting the question into "words to live by," but I couldn't come up with anything catchy. Anyone else got any ideas?

The best I could come up with is something that I posted fairly often in my old days of DB-ing:

My goal is to become the best Andy I can be.

I went back through my old threads a little, and came up with another "words to live by" quote that was very popular a few years back. It was something that came up whenever someone went into panic mode, and were trying soooooo hard to fix their R now

Piece by piece... slowlee slowlee....

Piece by piece, of course refered to Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again

And how do we do that?

slowlee slowlee

Here's more "words to live by":

"People will forget what you said
People will forget what you did
But, people will never forget how you made them feel"
--- Anonymous

[~ kd ~]

A couple things that came to me today:

"Do or do not, there is no try. Doing nothing is as much an action, and a choice, as doing something. There is no right or wrong in actions and events in so much as there are simply positive and negative consequences to those events, choices, and actions. Life is simply a series of choices. It is all a matter of our next choices based on the results and accepting full responsibility of those choices and actions. We may not feel we chose something, and that is OK. Rather, we have an opportunity to MAKE a choice at any given moment."

and also following from above, what happens when we feel we did not have a choice?

"The 3Rs — resentment, resistance and revenge — represent one of the most self-destructive paradigms..."

WAS:
Resentment - I resent my spouse is not meeting my needs.
Resistance - I love you, but I'm not IN LOVE with you.
Revenge - I will dis-include my spouse from my life.

LBS:
Resentment - I resent my spouse for "leaving" me.
Resistance - I deny this and will "fix" this.
Revenge - I will make my spouse sorry for leaving me.

Resentment isn't a "bad" thing. It is a very natural, human emotion that comes from fear.

When we change this "natural" cycle by recognizing resentment and changing our reaction from one of resistance to one of acceptance, then we can effect positive actions and change, rather than negative ones.

WAS:
Resentment - I resent my spouse is not meeting my needs.
Acceptance - I accept that my spouse is not meeting my needs.
Positive action - I will engage my spouse and become an open vessel to their giving, in what ever form that may be.

LBS:
Resentment - I resent my spouse for "leaving" me.
Acceptance - I will accept that my spouse feels unfulfilled and that I have not met their needs.
Positive action - I will engage my spouse with understanding, empathy, and loving actions in ways which do not cross their boundaries nor are forms of pressure. I will love them, unconditionally.

Hope that makes sense.

[~ kd ~]

We talk about doing 180s, here. It's said that the definition of insane is doing the same thing, over and over again, expecting different results.

By doing something different, especially early in the morning (like brushing your teeth with the opposite hand or taking a different route to work) it can change our entire day, often with pleasant and unexpected results. In some circles, it's called changing one's paradigm.

Perhaps wisdom... done in humour... for anyone with search skills and access to popular video web sites, search out what happens when:

George Costanza Does The Opposite

[ANS]

Another of my favourite "words to live by" that I think is pertinent to DB-ing:

Expect the best, plan for the worst, and prepare to be surprised.
-- Denis Waitley

[~ kd ~]

Not sure where to post this, but I just read a review of "Celeste and Jesse Forever" and it sounds like a movie a lot of us would enjoy and even get value from.

Do a search on it and I'd love to hear some opinions.

[labug]

I cried reading the review-but it's been that kind of day!

[~ kd ~]

Feel better, {{{bug}}}

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just received this in an email. Food for thought. If anyone has heard the idea that we should live life "in abundance rather than scarcity", this is related. What might this mean to you and how might this look, for you? How might this look in your M?

"Contribution is what [life] is all about. It's about the commitment and stand you will take for others. Interfere in someone's life and cause them to take themselves on to get what they want when they would not ordinarily take action themselves because of their own self-limiting beliefs. The time to change the course of the world is now, not next week, next year or in the next generation. It's now."

[LITB]

"Contribution is what [life] is all about. It's about the commitment and stand you will take for others. Interfere in someone's life and cause them to take themselves on to get what they want when they would not ordinarily take action themselves because of their own self-limiting beliefs. The time to change the course of the world is now, not next week, next year or in the next generation. It's now."

Those are some great words of wisdom. Thanks for sharing KD.

[LITB]

Here is one that I received in an email yesterday from All Pro Dads:

What is Eternal?
An article in Newsweek reported that Alfred Nobel shared one thing in common with Mark Twain and Ernest Hemingway. He had the chance to read about his own demise in the newspaper. He was so upset by the obituary’s emphasis on his pioneering work with dynamite—the WMD of its day—that he resolved at once to upgrade his real death notice by endowing an award for international peace. Thus, the Nobel Peace Prize.

What about you? If you had the chance to read your own obituary, what would it say? And what changes can you make now so that snippet will reflect on a life well lived? A good first step is to think about 10 things from your life that will survive your death. Then, have that impact what’s on your bucket list. Life is serious. And short. Live well and die remembered.