Wow - GWN it does seem like our situations are quite similar.... when you said closed up like a drum like a stubborn teenage...thats it. I've even said that to him. I have told him he's acting like a 15 year old.
Our lives were pretty intertwined, not compartmentalized. Our families and friends are quiet open and togethe. He moved from a different country to be with me and i introduced him to my large group of friend, all of which were involved in the sporting community that in which he is a very talented player. Because they respect me they took him in with open arms. He is a quiet guy by nature and not overly outgoing so he takes a long time to open up and get really close to people. And that worries me about where his head is. He is internalizing so much. (is it crazy that dispite all the pain he has put me through i still have concern for what he is going through.....i guess thats the love part). Since the bomb this fall he has distanced himself from the people we have in common, which are quite extensive and is surrounding himself with seedy characters and frankly...losers. I think a large part of him is embarrassed for what he is doing and thats why he is avoiding them. H does definitely struggle with emotional engagement. He (up until this) was quite open with me but guarded with everyone else. He hasn't even talked to his closest friends from back home about what is going on.
So, like you, i am ok with the situation he is putting himself in. He lives in the basement room of his friends house (this friend is married with 2 kids under 6 and his stay at home wife is an at home childcare worker). Which is funny because again H has no interest in kids, especially young ones.
I am being firm when i say to him if this is what he wants he has to do all the work. When i said that he didn't even know what i meant....i said you don't just walk out on a marriage and not deal with our house, debt, asset, legal obligations, etc etc etc. He siad oh - yeah right. He has to face the consequences of the decisions and actions that he is made and the only way he will ever do that is to have to do all the dirty work. And frankly - i don't that he has the kahoonas to do it. So until that time, I will continue to live in our house that he is still paying for half of, drive our car that he is paying for half of and pick up the pieces of my life.
I feel like I am at a point where I am getting on with my life with or without him. Yes i have lapses and send him snarky messages when i notice or hear something but they are getting less and less. At this very moment i still have a (shrinking) place in my heart for him. But to be honest, i don't know if that will still be there when he is ready to put his 'big boy' pants on and deal with real life.
