Most Likely Youngster Goes His Way (& W Goes Hers)

[25yearsmlc]

No, you were not 100% to blame. Let's face it, you were gripped by a disease, one that is difficult for people to understand. Especially because it didn't take the most "classic" form of handwashing or tapping, instead taking the less common form of compulsive confessing. (Some people with that form confess to crimes they didn't commit, etc.)

And your wife was particularly vulnerable to the painful effects because of her own insecurities.

You've owned your part, and you're mature enough to realize that she just might not be able to get over the pain that caused her. That's an adult response.

I think what all of us here see, is that she, in her pain and affair craziness, has been particularly brutal to you in return - deliberately so. And that her response has been very IMmature.

A mature W might say "Honey, I accept that your OCD was the reason why you said those hurtful things to me, but I just really don't want to stay in this marriage because it's too painful for me". A mature W would NOT be deliberately rubbing your nose in her affair, etc.

Now that new info had come in, I have a different take on it KML. I think her behavior and discussing OMs size and penis issues make total sense in context


he has been comparing her to OWs non stop every night AND telling her...he says "mostly" he concluded they were not more attractive..... so God only knows what happens if a truly gorgeous woman did walk in...

West would evdently openly overtly fantasize in such a way that HE was frightened b/c It threateed his marriage (HIS words_)

it is odd that I missed this earlier West.

I always ask for specifics but you did NOT say anything like this execept You were less sexually experienced than your w. I had no idea that it botherd you so much that you would choose to hurt her with this "fantasy life"

and make no mistake, she was VERY hurt. So you either were doing it to make up for her having had sex earlier, including that rape too??? And OR you were so clueless and immature you didn't contain your insecurities and lashed out at the one person who was loving to you and had nothing to do with your prior lack of inexperience...

You said you were depressed and undereemployed or lost your job and you mentioned VAGUELY that you were inexperienced and had OCD

but you never to my recall, told me that your "OCD" triggered THIS behavior
(and my nerdy brother has it, and Asperger's syndrome, but he has never told his wife such cruel things WEST OMG....get help) or this will sabotage ALL future r's with Other women.

You never told me THIS STUFF and thats' weird and I feel chagrined.

I just blasted your w's cruelty, and NOW you mention that, night after night your marriage was crippled by your fantasies of OWs which you TOLD her about?
Hey I have to concede I don't buy that your diagnosis for THIS behavior is all OCD...there's a deeper darker thing going on I hope to God you'll address....
wow...it puts her behavior in a totally new light

YOU showed her that talking about "competitors" bodies and comparing was FINE....not insensitive. How many times did you do it to her? b/c it sounds like hundreds....or more...and I was all on your bandwagon about dumping her b/c I had never heard of a woman doing that to a guy she left, but see
it makes way more sense now, IN CONTEXT and

with her past as a rape victim to boot, you two were a toxic mix for each other

hope you both heal