Originally Posted By: Crimson
"Are you better now, aside from realizations you have had, what else? Are you attending a church? Are you working on your OCD? IOW are you acting and or behaving in new ways with others?"

No, I have not started attending church regularly. The church that I really like is the one that we both together that she attends (and joins). I always feel like I would be encroaching on her space if I was there. I could always go to a different service I suppose.


I doubt she'd feel encroached upon but obviously you could have gone to a different service but you talked yourself out of it...b/c...you didn't feel like it and she would not know to see? Hey don't backslide and revert so fast.

I think this is a simple 180 and you will surely get something out of it. Plus if you do it, it's visible, and she will learn of it. Just an easy step to take that makes huge changes IN you and your life. Don't make new excuses for not doing what you don't feel like doing b/c the reward does not seem immediate...

why'd you like that church anyhow? B/C you felt something? Okay then...

What I am trying to do differently now:

1.) The TV in my house is getting pretty dusty. I never turn it on anymore, my parents watch a lot and it annoys me. Last week I deleted all of the shows that I had DVR'd on my cable box - didn't watch them, just deleted them. I am about *this* close to taking the TV out of the master bedroom to further aid my progress. I have a bad Indiana (Hoosiers) basketball habit (hence the name "Crimson") - that is the only thing I really feel like I HAVE to see if I can, but that is it.

2.) I have cut back on my iPhone usage so much, even my friends have commented. This weekend in Denver I made it a point to leave it at my friend's condo whenever we went anywhere. When I get home, I take it upstairs and leave it there for the most part. When I am at a friend's house or at dinner with friends it either stays in my car or stays in my pocket. Even if it goes off.


all good stuff ^^^...I still say you could try the dinner with cells in the middle of the table b/c its' VISIBLE CHANGE...but I won't push it

3.) I make a conscience effort to walk away from the little messes that would have otherwise driven me nuts. I have literally walked towards something to straighten it, stopped, turned around, and walked away - leaving the mess in place. You should see weeds growing in my backyard! I finally called someone about it - to let it go like that for me is pretty big. I have also quit straightening up after my parents.

wow so your perfectionist parents were NOT so clean, or were they fine but it's your view point that is skewed?? Just curious that you find them less than perfect in housekeeping


No more wiping counters, putting away dishes, fixing couch pillows - and so on. I also try to let the baby make all the mess with his toys he wants during the day and only put things away once at night and maybe once before his nap.

you AND YOUR SON will be happier in the long run by these acts


4.) In terms of living life, I am trying to say "yes" to everything that is offered to me. Even if I don't feel like doing it.


that's when it counts!!!

It has taken me to a few interesting places. I have also reached out to old friends that I grew apart from after I got married. I am really trying to be more sociable and have had people over more often (Christmas Tree Party, Christmas Eve Party). I have joined meetup.com, but I haven't selected any events/groups yet - I will, I have just been busy.

my kids have joined that group for writer's groups and I met some comedians there too. It's not all a date site. GREAT GAL.


5.) Regardless of how tired I am, or how much I want to veg - I do everything for my son. We hike, we go to zoos, museums, parks, we read together....that is a night and day change for me. I adore that little guy. Absolutely adore him.

6.) I have asked friends and co-workers to tell me about some of my bad habits. That includes someone that used to HATE me. She made some good points about how I communicate, and I have really tried to pay attention to some of the subtle non-verbal (hell, and VERBAL) things that come from me. I also got a lot of feedback on the whole phone and "tuning out" thing. Wasn't just my W it was bothering. She just got the most of it.


this is a rare gift....so useful!! So ask them how you are doing with your personal work. You know get some feedback to see if your efforts are manifesting in outward change...ask for them to keep you posted...



7.) In light of the TV being semi-retired, I have started reading a lot more - at the moment mostly things based on relationships - but it is a start and I am learning a lot.

8.) I am looking at myself first before I look at others in conflicts. This started with my wife, but it is not ending there,

We both loaded the dishwasher - and I never criticized her for that at all. Oddly enough, she rode me pretty hard about putting our Nalgene bottles in the wrong way and melting the lids. Got that a LOT.

I'll go back and see if I missed any other questions.

Crimson



well done cool


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change