So I'm trying to make an extra effort to GAL. I decided to go to gym and told H only after I got home from work and left after about 15 minutes later. I went to a Zumba class - I haven't done Zumba in a 1 1/2 years and had a blast. It gave me a chance to get some exercise, which always makes me feel better, and I also got to just be silly, dance, shake my butt and jump around I was in a good mood after the class. I also made plans with a friend tomorrow night and just told H a little while ago. He told me yesterday he was going out with a friend on Sat, and I didn't want to look like I just sit around at home. Plus, I feel like getting out of the house and away from him. He kept asking questions: How was the gym? What is the gym like? What are you doing tomorrow?
Today I let H be "the parent". He took S to the dr's, arranged for MIL to watch him for a few hrs after. H also cooked dinner tonight and cleaned up. H waited for me to get back from the gym so that we could all eat together. One of H's sore points is that he says that everything was 'my way or the highway', especially when it came to S. So maybe as one of my 180's I'm "letting" him make decisions, have more input, etc. The reason "letting" is in quotations is that it's not that I never "let" him, but he didn't really make enough effort, IMHO. And he isn't really either now, and I have to suggest things, but I have to do it in a way that makes it look like it was his idea.
A quick story about the iPad: He's been wanting one for a very long time, but never got because it's too expensive. I tried to tell him that we should save up for it and then I would be fine with it, I just didn't like the idea of financing that. Since he wasn't doing that, I was saving up to get it for him for XMas. Well, after the bomb, I changed my mind and wouldn't spend that much $$ on him when he's about to walk out. And he knew about it and was ok. But he started wanting it again recently, sort of asking for my permission to get it, or maybe baiting me to tell him 'no' and give him reasons to go off on me. I kept cool, told him that he's been wanting one for a long time and that he should do what makes him happy. I think those responses surprised him, because he started asking 'what's wrong' or 'are you mad', etc. I told him I wasn't. The other day he even asked me if he could have some of the $$ I saved. I didn't say anything and honestly don't want to give it him. So today he went and got his iPad. He texted me and told me he was getting it. After he got it, he called me and told me that he did, and the accessories and the 'deals' he got. I didn't say much more than "oh ok" or "cool". While playing on his new iPad, he asked me "how do you pick a good book" and "what types of books do you like". This is coming the guy that hasn't picked up a book since high school...I'm serious! I'd be in shock if he actually started reading.
And some good news for me: Just booked a ticket for my sister to visit me next week! I haven't seen her in 4 months and she's the only family I have in this country, though she'll be leaving again soon. Anyway, I'm so excited to be around a family member who genuinely cares about me! H is going on a business trip the day after she comes and will be gone for 4 days. H seemed disappointed that he'll be gone for the most part of her stay here. H likes my sister and has been like a big brother to her. She was 10 when H met her and he basically saw her grow up, even got to be a "parent" to her when she lived with us for a while. My sister knows about our sitch and is angry at him for acting this way and wanting to walk away, not only from us, but also from her.
I was in a good mood after the class. I also made plans with a friend tomorrow night and just told H a little while ago. He told me yesterday he was going out with a friend on Sat, and I didn't want to look like I just sit around at home. Plus, I feel like getting out of the house and away from him. He kept asking questions: How was the gym? What is the gym like? What are you doing tomorrow?