Retrouvaille means change

[25yearsmlc]

So tomorrow we're leaving for Retrouvaille. I'm on pins and needles just worried about the car ride after we drop off our son.

did you read my long posts to you about NOT freaking out and how your fears only hurt your cause?? Read them again.


I printed out a few chapters that I would like my husband to read in The Divorce Remedy, but I'm not sure if I should or not.

YOU SHOULD NOT DO THIS^^^^ No way..First the books themselves say this is for the LBSer NOT the WAS and not to share it with them so how could you ask if you have read them?

It will only come on as pressure and pursuit which IT IS

and that makes him NOT TRUST you b/c it undermine the claims you have made that you are detaching and just seeing what this brings and learning to communicate better, blah blah blah


YOU ARE MAKING IT SO OBVIOUS that all your hopes and dreams are on him staying now...back off like you promised or he will bolt at the first chance he has.

I say get a comedy CD or some music you both like for the car ride and don't make the trip about "working on the m" but about having some relaxed time in the car, where it is EASY GOING and [i]easy & relaxing to be around YOU...
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BACK OFF...I don't know another way to say this.

The Retro people are not idiots. They have a program that helps troubled m's. Your manipulations and machinations and freaking out trying to control this weekend

will HURT YOUR CAUSE not help it.

back off and trust their process...

I also have other articles that I would like him to read as well.


see comments above which means NO do not do this. Back off and leave him alone. He is going to the weekend and he will leave if you tip one more brick in the wagon so back off, back way off and be glad he's going and learn to show that you can shelve all your fears and anger and worries for the car ride down or you will not be fun company....lighten up b/c The Retro people will he.lp you do the heavy lifting when you are there...learn to relax around your h so he can learn to be comfortable round you. I said this 10 different ways before so you have to listen and heed when we post to you or it gets frustrating.


Yesterday I called his mom again, just for a little more reassurance about if he's really going in with an open mind,




and she told me his grandmother just heard she had to go in for heart surgery tommorrow. They're not sure what exactly needs worked on though as of yet, and she told me they wouldn't know until they had her under the knife, which didn't make sense to me, but whatever.
Then I talked to my husband about it, and he told me we'd be on call all weekend in case something happened with his grandmother, which I totally understand since I love his grandmother a lot. But while talking to him, I heard a baby laughing in the back ground, and another womans voice, and I didn't say anything but, "sounds like you have the tv going pretty loud" and he just responded with a, "yeah" So, of course my fears kick in that the OW, who just finalized her own divorce was there, in the marital home, with her 2 year old child.
I'm just so afraid that he'll choose to start a new life with the newly divorced, and leave our family in shambles. He's always been the type to want nothing other than to start with a clean slate. His answer to all of our conflicts was to just forget that it ever happened and start over. Like hitting the reset button on a video game or something.

too bad you didn't work on resolving the conflicts sooner...but you still need to learn how to, so go to Retrovaille & get those tools.


I also spoke with one of the Retrouvaille people again last night for additional encouragement. It is slightly comforting knowing I'm not the only one calling in tears, and uncertainty, and of course fear of impending doom. I just know my worst fear is the drive back home, if he decides that he truly doesn't want to try and help rebuild our family. I'm wondering if I can just have him take a taxi to the nearest bus station for him to get home on his own if that were the case.
Hopefully we'll come back in the same car, and that I'll come back with good news on Monday.

don't borrow trouble from tomorrow. Stop futurizing and catastrophizing b/c it can be a self fulfilling prophecy. Go with the idea you both will be better communicators IF you listen to them

and stay the weekend. Stop assuming he's leaving and back off so he doesn't feel he has to.

trust their process and that you will be alright anyhow...