Crimson, my lengthy replies are for YOU to get it and tie in things and connect the dots. Not so you can put bullet points and counter points in a memo to her, okay?
Let is all sink in and BECOME the man you want to be, and btw, I never got an answer from you on those questions.
Are you better now, aside from realizations you have had, what else? Are you attending a church? Are you working on your OCD? IOW are you acting and or behaving in new ways with others?
whatever, you do need to lose the planner for awhile. Like a lot--gabby's got a great point.
There's a rigidity in there that is not serving you or if it is serving you at work it's not elsewhere. It reminds me of military precision training which is suitable for narrowly defined tasks.
Hence her suggestion you write a "Rules book" for your next wife. Think about that. Just curious who loaded the dishwasher? Ever discuss or argue about how to do or did you ever "demonstrate" for her?
Did you tell her there was a certain way to load and unload a dishwasher?
I'm guessing yes. Would you do THAT today? AND IF NOT
would you secretly be telling yoursellf "she's doing it wrong but I'm going to let it slide b/c that's just thet kind of cool guy i am"
or
would you say to yourself, "thank God she's here, bothering to help at all. I know there is not just one "right way" nor are all other ways wrong. There are simply different ways."
rather than seeing it as a sacrifice on your end, try to see it as a healthier happier way of living. Value and embrace the differences in each other, rather than assuming you are "tolerating a flaw" in another.
If you ever want to read a book about how people see their own behavior and others, in a semi sci-fi moralizing way, read CS Lewis's book "The Great Divorce" which has NOTHING to do with divorce. A group of people are at a bus station and it becomes apparent that some buses are going to hell and others are going to heaven.
But there are people trying to argue their way into heaven and some get angry that their spouses or kids made it and they did not, "b/c we love each other so much!!".
In one case a mother wants her son with her so much FOR HER SAKE that she's enraged b/c her son got to heaven and she didn't. "But a mother's love is the greatest of all and HE should be with ME always!!"
So she'd rather he go to hell and join her in hell, than for him to ascent to be heaven without her, all b/c of how much she "loves" her son...not!
It has several couples in the story with common marital issues that are culminating in the big judgement day and the LBSers are waiting to be rewarded and see some punishment go the way of the WAS but alas it's not quite what you expect at first....it is better.
just a philisophical digression... keep it short Crimson and speak from the heart
and dont' make it so organized that it looks too calculating. As for verbally expressed words, well since you do see her sometimes, why not give it to her (when it's time, I mean) and say a few words with it?
and let me know your other thoughts on those questions when you have time.
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
