Destiny, Yes, you are a fixer, but you are also over analyzing his every move and comment. Please stop trying to analyze him...it can't be done because he's confused and is trying to find things that will make him happy.
Be thankful for the things that he doing right now. As for whether he's out the woods....no, I do not think so.
Put all of the focus on YOU! Leave the man alone so that he can figure things out. If he asks for your opinion, you can tell him what you think in a very short version. Don't pile on too much information at one time....his brain can't take it all in. Also, be sure to compliment him when projects are completed and to say thank you. Mlcers want recognition and their egos need stroking.
Again...keep the focus on you and your projects.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Thank you for your support snodderly!!! I really appreciate it. I recognize my faults and tendencies to want to fix everything. As I said, I have been GAL'ng to stay focused on me over the last few days. H continues to work on household tasks which is great. I need to remember to say thanks as you indicated because I think he does like it and appreciate it.
Another night of GAL'ng - working out.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
I wanted to post today because I was starting to feel the urge to want to ask H questions, so I figured to come here and vent that frustration and avoid myself the pain. Anyway, I am somewhat happy that my H has reserve duty this weekend and will be away, so i will have plenty time to GAL. I signed up for 2 winter fitness classes and hopefully I will be able to make new frinds through those as well. Taking a SPIN class which I hear is gruelling but really good for endurance.
I have to mention that my H did say to me last night that "we should get in shape to go on a cruise. we haven't done that in a while".
I was shocked. I just said, if that is what you want. he just smiled and walked away. Was that okay to say?
Again, wanted to post, because I started to think about him walking away after what I said in response to his question. I don't have any plans tonight so may spend time reading or catching up on a few of my cooking shows.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
Destiny, Your response was fine...don't worry about it.
I'm glad to see that you've signed up for some classes. They will help you not only get in shape, but also w/meeting new people and getting your attention focused elsewhere.
Enjoy your quiet time this weekend.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Boy, I have had one good morning so far. H got up to go to reserve duty, so I worked out, housework, laundry, and I am about to head out for a quick shopping trip.
Last night was uneventful, but my H did ask me to watch a movie with him. it was a good one and we ended the night very peacefully.
He actually just called from his car and just wanted to chat and for me to keep him company while he was travelling from one building to another. He wanted to know what was on my plate this weekend. We had a quick chat and I was the first to say I needed to go and wished him a good day.
I love days like this where I can really GAL without feeling bad about it.
Have a great day!!
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
Well I have read every word of your sitch and quite a few of your posts made me say "yes yes yes" out loud when I read them because I could relate SO much.
I wanted to comment on your H's depression. I am not a shrink and would never pretend to be one, but I do know a thing or two about the issue as I suffer from it myself. As well, my FI is suffering from in as well (untreated)
And when I was untreated, I responded to people and my surroundings much the way your H does now. I wanted to point out that the drastic changes in him, either highs or lows, can be a result of depression. I went through this (and still do, but much more controlled )
I really hope that your H seeks some type of help. The "highs" (shopping at the hardware store, doing more than he has in months in only a couple of days, being happier in general) show that he is not so far gone he can't see the light. (meaning that he is not totally immersed in a depressed state)
And people who have a normal chemical balance will often fight a depressive life circumstance/phase on their own. But I fear the severity of what he may have experienced to cause this in theatre may manifest in other ways down the road for him if left untreated.
And I know it's super difficult as this is something he truly needs to come to know on his own.
I hope I'm making sense here as I feel like I'm rambling.
Cat - Thank you. You are right, GALng is definitely for me and feel really good and enjoy myself more when I GAL.
One11 - You were not rambling. Actually, you pointed out something about false recovery of depression. The highs and lows are dramatic and as you saw, my H will have to seek help on his own, but when he is ready, I will be supportive.
Things have been good over the last few days. I have been "hearing" and not just "listening" to what my H says. He was talking about his day at work and I know that he is under huge pressure at work. He told me yesterday morning that if he comes home sad or depressed, that he hopes that I comfort him. It was shocking, but this time I heard him. I always considered my H a strong man with pride and didn't think he needed to be comforted, but he asked my to be supportive. Everything I have read on MLC or depression indicates that they crave attention, interaction, and appreciation.
I have listened, heard, and responded accordingly and will continue to do so.
Happy Wednesday..
DU
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
Should I be worried that he just called to say he has to go to an evening reception?
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
