No, it makes sense, and I've been brain storming for the last couple months. Put some notes in his work bag a couple times, bought some new lacy stuffs.
Last Thursday, he got home from work all grumpy, complaining about everything, left to walk the dog while I was making dinner. Was still grumpy when he got back. He wanted to watch something, I think we put on Firefly. As we ate and watched he started to finally relax, was laughing at some of the show, was being a little more talkative. So, I told him I'd gotten a package that I wanted to show him. Put on the stuff that had arrived from Victoria's Secret. All I got was "that's nice. Really nice." He kept looking at the tv then back at me. "It's really nice. Sorry, I'm just distracted." Well then, I'm gonna go cry in the bathroom and put clothes on then. Ugh.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Aw, I am sorry. Maybe you guys just need a break. Let him miss you. He sounds as if he is going through a rough patch himself and needs to work stuff out. Why on earth he thinks he needs to not be with you now is beyond me.
I'll try to be on line later if you want to chat or you can call me, my number is under the info stuff.
Love ya and hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Oh goodness Michelle. I'm so sorry you are facing this. It does sounds like he is having some adjustment issues and may need more help than the AD's are giving him. Is he having any therapy in conjunction?
You are one of the most fabulous, down to earth women I have had the good fortune to get to know these last 4 years. Don't you ever think you are not a keeper. You are a forever kind of woman, he's just not feeling like a forever kind of guy right now.
Definitely time to do some serious DBing on him. Definitely go at least dim on him. Keep being your active, wonderful self but stay mysterious about it.
What are your goals? Solution oriented...remember.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Yes, he's been doing EMDR. He actually started the EMDR before he went on the AD's, and had such a bad time of it that his therapist refused to continue EMDR til he got on AD's.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Ironically, in the course of his EMDR and working on his abuse and abandonment issues from childhood, he has actually started to change his mind about marriage. He told me that he might actually consider getting married, but he needs someone who is more than his best friend, he needs that spark, the in love feeling. And that it's not fair to me to stay together if we aren't really more than best friends.
It's a good thing he has his own house to hide in or I might kill him right now! (Just kidding. Mostly.)
Goals? I guess right now I'm just trying to make it through this week. I asked a friend to come up for Saturday/Sunday just so I don't have to be in my house alone. I have had the disturbing realization this week that most of my friends have moved away. They are all in So Cal or out of state. Two of my bestest friends are at least still here in Nor Cal, but they are a couple hours away. The people I have spent the most time with the last year or two are really Roger's friends.
One of my friends who only lives about 30 minutes away is trying to start up a weekly crafting group. I think I will need to pursue that.
But I'm limited by the dog. Roger has basically abdicated her to me, says he will dog sit when needed and take her if I need a break, but he thinks she will do better staying at my house since that's been her home since we got her. Part of me agrees with that, but then a big part of me is just screaming we got her from YOUR friends, TOGETHER. I never would have a dog if it wasn't for you and now I get 80% of the responsibility of dealing with her?
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Well, crap! I don't have much good advice... though I can confess to being a little perturbed!
I think it really does sound like a case where it's him and not you. He sounds like he doesn't feel good about himself (for whatever reason) and he is pulling into himself. Not looking for or wanting a partner through whatever it is. Of course, the message that gets sent is that it's you... I think we all know better!
Sending some huge hugs your way! If I have any ideas, you know I will send them on!
