Building a more solid personal Foundation

[LITB]

Last Thread: In the eye of my storm

I’m going to share a little about my journey before I give my update since I am now going on 14 months since the bomb.

As I type this today, I look at my sitch as the best and worst things that could have happened to me.

Obviously the worst, because it’s the end of my M and my family is now broken.

Now it was the best thing that could have happened to me because it forced me to do some soul searching and introspection that would not have happened otherwise. (as most of us on these DB forums are most likely doing)

I have gone back to church and have grown tremendously from a spiritual standpoint. As a matter of fact, our song leader will be taking leave to give birth to her twin boys and I was asked to substitute for her. It certainly is not because of my vocal talents. I was told because I am reliable and I always have a smile on my face. I’m flattered that I was asked.

At the beginning of my sitch and in my W’s court declaration she accused me of being an absent and non-participating husband and father. After writing my rebuttal declaration and getting many supporting declarations from our children’s pediatrician and coach, along with many others who saw me put my family first, I no longer bought her accusations. Even after she read my response and the support I had attained, it didn’t help her see the light. As a matter of fact, it irritated my W. Her perspective just differed from everyone else’s.

The point I am trying to make is that I was a good father, however there is always room for improvement. There is/was certainly no point in trying to convince my W that her POV is wrong. It doesn’t work. So the next best thing was to reprioritize what is most important to me. I cut back the amount of time I spent watching sports and surfing the internet. I began investing more of my time into my children. We began to do different things that they hadn’t experienced. We had a blast while they were living me in CA and we have a blast on my limited interaction when I visit them in NM.

Guess what? My W has taken notice. She gave me greeting cards for Father’s Day and my birthday that said something to the effect, “The babies are blessed to have such an amazing dad”. Actions speak louder than words. My children deserve the changes and my W noticing is a good thing.

One of the biggest mistakes that I made was trying not to stir things up by not fighting more aggressively for custody of my children at the beginning for fear of pushing my W further away. I couldn’t push her further away. She was already finished. I was warned by some members here(namely SandyCay) and I thought I knew best. I was wrong. Hopefully someone else can learn from that mistake.

I have picked up playing golf, which is one of my GAL activities. I have the opportunity to play a round at Pebble Beach over President’s Day weekend, however I usually go to NM to visit with my children. Not sure I can swing it. Unless God blesses me with a new job that begins in early March. Yeah, I am being a bit selfish in my hope, but my children come first.

I’m trying to coordinate getting started on piano lessons. Thinking about taking some salsa dancing lessons and cooking classes. When I move, I hope to start skiing with my children and get back to hunting again. Something I haven’t done since meeting my W.

I still find myself having a rough day every now and then, but overall…………….Life is good. There are many great members of this forum to thank. Some who have posted to me and some who have not. I appreciate all the great information I can absorb and incorporate into my life.