"Do or do not, there is no try. Doing nothing is as much an action, and a choice, as doing something. There is no right or wrong in actions and events in so much as there are simply positive and negative consequences to those events, choices, and actions. Life is simply a series of choices. It is all a matter of our next choices based on the results and accepting full responsibility of those choices and actions. We may not feel we chose something, and that is OK. Rather, we have an opportunity to MAKE a choice at any given moment."
and also following from above, what happens when we feel we did not have a choice?
"The 3Rs — resentment, resistance and revenge — represent one of the most self-destructive paradigms..."
WAS: Resentment - I resent my spouse is not meeting my needs. Resistance - I love you, but I'm not IN LOVE with you. Revenge - I will dis-include my spouse from my life.
LBS: Resentment - I resent my spouse for "leaving" me. Resistance - I deny this and will "fix" this. Revenge - I will make my spouse sorry for leaving me.
Resentment isn't a "bad" thing. It is a very natural, human emotion that comes from fear.
When we change this "natural" cycle by recognizing resentment and changing our reaction from one of resistance to one of acceptance, then we can effect positive actions and change, rather than negative ones.
WAS: Resentment - I resent my spouse is not meeting my needs. Acceptance - I accept that my spouse is not meeting my needs. Positive action - I will engage my spouse and become an open vessel to their giving, in what ever form that may be.
LBS: Resentment - I resent my spouse for "leaving" me. Acceptance - I will accept that my spouse feels unfulfilled and that I have not met their needs. Positive action - I will engage my spouse with understanding, empathy, and loving actions in ways which do not cross their boundaries nor are forms of pressure. I will love them, unconditionally.
