I needed that response to give me a little push. I don’t think others are chicken, my story is jumbled and when I first found this place I was a mess. I look back at my old posts and think wow you were a steaming pile of dung in those days. I took a long break from posting to work on myself and I needed to get out of the fog. It has really helped me find myself. I also am a firm believer in everything happens for a reason. My old motto was good things come to those that wait. I readopted those and have been living in that mode again.
I think because the drama/spewing has eased and the nice has lasted more than one day then hearing she dumped her knight in shining armor. I know I shouldn’t read anything into what is now happening. Maybe I had some backsliding on my progress or just some stirring of old emotions. I don’t really know if I would consider taking her back. I don’t even know how I feel about standing for marriage anymore. I have days that I think we had a great thing going and then I think it must not have been that great. The person she was and the person she became are opposites.
I think about some of the things she told me when the bomb dropped like “Why did I let her get old” “I deprived her of a third child” and I say to myself I can’t slow down time. On the third child while we were deciding if we should or shouldn’t she got a very aggressive cancer and had to have a hysterectomy. Those things I feel were out of my control and I take responsibility for being lazy and taking things for granted.
I am a very independent person and I know that I deserve the best in whatever happens in my next journey. Now I look out for my kids and myself. I like me and I like how much I have grown. I still have many things that I need to learn about me and maybe some of those answers to the questions I have will just fall in my lap eventually.
I am going to try and post more often and maybe it will help me find the answers I am looking for.
Thanks for your input.
Me 44 W 38 M 18 D 18 D 13 Bomb 10/21/2010 Divorced 7/19/2011 Just getting to the 7th inning!
