There are some things here that speak to me, and a few that don't.
I know he made a mistake, I can accept this, but I'm not in a place to totally forgive. The pain is just too fresh.
With my first M, I never acted like that with him because I was afraid of him. He was abusive, emotionally and physically. I would not dare lash out at him.
I don't think I'm perfect... and I have made some mistakes, albeit not huge ones where I've cheated or walked out. I feel that I've always been the person who gets stomped on, going back to my childhood.
Right now I'm just stuck, and I'm definitely not above God, I know that God forgives and so should I but I think this is going to be a process.
I know that I have the ability to forgive. I forgave my mom, after 30 years of not communicating. She abused me as a child and teen, then pushed me out of the house and her life. When she came to me in 2007 asking for forgiveness, I forgave and we have had a relationship since.
I know I can forgive h, but I am just not there yet. I don't want to hold it over his head forever, no. Because I know how damaging that is going to be.
