Most Likely Youngster Goes His Way (& W Goes Hers)

[westcoastfella]

Reply to 25, Pt. 2

she's a BAD bet for you. She has the sensitivity of a rock, and will careen around banging into your NORMAL male ego the rest of your life if you let her AND she's a succubus. I assume she's great looking and or very rich b/c she has treated you terribly, but she doesn't like that there is ANY price to pay for that, socially or like losing the "friendship" with their exes.

I have been fearing for a long time now that she's just no good for me. I am sure that once I come across a much better woman, it will cinch it for me just HOW bad my W is. I wish that it wasn't so because we were so good in so many ways, but only she can make the choice to become a strong and healthy person.

As for the latter, she is very beautiful to me, but not objectively a "knock-out" (not to the point where it's a huge asset), and she's not rich, either. The only other thing I can think of is her career. She's getting her P.h.D in psychology (how fitting), so she's had much more professional experience than I have (or obviously OM, who as far as I know is a dunce).

Finally, a shrink once told me that 90% of women who take ADs have critical spouses...I have wondered for awhile what role SHE played in your depression. Sure, I know, YOU are responsible for your happiness but I sure do wonder how she was playing you b/c I don't think you see the manipulations as clearly as some of us are...so maybe we'll never know what role she played but she won't have one anymore...

I will substitute "OCD" for "depression" to answer you, since the depression was MTS' thing. Yes, I believe that I could have done more to manage my OCD -- I agree with my W on that. But, now that I've gotten some distance from the R, I am beginning to see how her own massive insecurity contributed to my disorder. She still believes that it was ALL me, but I believe that her wild overreactions did NOT help the sitch at all and only made it worse.

ey West, There are many fun sexy women out there who are smart and LOVING and Not crazy, selfish or cruel. I promise you there are so many. Your ex has blown it.

I am looking forward to finding this out on my own. I do love women, especially the ones who treat me right. It'll be some fun, hands-on experience. I look forward to finding the person who I am meant to be with and, in addition, doing things right this time around.

Her happiness never was nor is it now, YOUR responsibility.

This is why I felt so guilty last night, and why I've felt so guilty for years. I have always felt (and SHE has made me feel far too often) that I am the source of her happiness and/or unhappiness. I must learn to let her realize this fact for herself. I'm in charge of my own happiness now, and she's in charge of hers. (At one point last night, I said, "I'm in charge of meeting my needs and desires now, and you're in charge of yours." She replied, "That's not the way it works." )

BTW, thank you guys so much for your detailed and quick responses. I was in a bad way last night, but when I got to read your responses this morning, I felt instantly better. I am blessed to know both of you and all of the lovely people on this Godsend of a website.