Together since we were 15...Part 2

[Sad_but_happy]

Jenna,

Here is the harsh truth. Your sitch is very different... Because of your age and the length of time you've been together, he is trying to find himself. And he wants to explore new experiances. I know because I got married very young too. You are both very young.

But...

It's obvious that he wants to cake eat.

Case in point:
He tells you that he does not want to commit... BUT tells you he still loves you to KEEP YOU CLOSE.

He tells you that he does not want to commit... BUT ML to you to KEEP YOU CLOSE.

He tells you that he does not want to commit... BUT tells you how amazing you are to KEEP YOU CLOSE.

He tells you that he does not want to commit... BUT tells you he he had the most amazing sex with you to KEEP YOU CLOSE.


AND... HERE IS THE BIG ONE...

He askes you where you going and who your seeing in order to assure that you don't STRAY TO FAR so he can KEEP YOU CLOSE.

A little more mystery and he will come back. Right now your an open book and you need to stop.


Let me say again that you have a TON of power here...


You need to GAL and he needs to NOT KNOW what you are doing and who you are seeing.

It is no longer any of his business.


Come on Jenna... Strength!!!

[Hopeful321]

Jenna--I know this is hard. But get out there and live a little before you settle down. I am saying this because I too got married at a young age and did not get to experience the things that I should have in my early twenties. I always wondered what it would be like to ML with someone else because I was a virgin with my first husband and we stayed married for 16 years. I wondered what it was like to go out and have fun without worrying what time to be home. It's hard I know. Look deep down inside of yourself, because you will find the strength to make it.

Put some mystery in life. Let him wonder what you are doing inside of you worrying what he is doing.

Hang in there!

[Jenna333]

Thanks for the replies

SBH, I will not let him cake eat with me anymore. At all. I feel so strong today! I felt strong yesterday, too. I've found myself facing reality that he doesn't want to change into a person fit for this family. He wants to be selfish and run around. I deserve better.

Hopeful, I know ex and I both have wondered what it would be like to ML to others and to not have to deal with our issues. I didn't expect him to leave me over it (I know that's not the only reason). He always said I'd be the one to leave.

Ugh, I remembered something. Randomly throughout our R we would sometimes joke about how if we ever split, we would continue to flirt and ML no matter who else we were with. Yuck. I didn't ever actually think we'd split. I won't allow that to happen anymore.

[Jenna333]

UGH! I just went to update my iPhone and it asked for my apple ID and password. Ex has it set to his, and I couldn't remember the password. It sent an email to his account, and I checked it to get the password so I could update my phone. I seriously didn't go into his email to snoop...but there was an email he'd sent himself yesterday to the college to pretty much beg for them to give him another shot. I just knew he'd blame it all on me to them! He said we had been doing well up until 6-7 months ago when I became depressed and he had to do everything. He made himself look like an angel while I was pathetic. He said his 9 year relationship to me will be mourned, but he won't let it bother his education anymore. Ouch.

I get that he had to milk it in order to get the best chance at having them reconsider. I just knew he would go about it that way, though. He even said WE made the choice to break up. No way, buddy! YOU DID THIS.

I asked for it by clicking on that. I just lost a bit more respect for him, though. HE slacked on his work. HE played on the internet and stayed late after work rather than doing his homework. He blamed it ALL on me.

[Sad_but_happy]

I'm glad you're strong today. Just remember this feeling tomorrow or the next day when you are not as strong.

It's not called a roller coaster for nothing...

General niceties and kids... That ALL he is entitled to know. Adhere to that boundary.


As for flirting and compliments, go out this Friday dressed to kill and intentionally go out of your way to be fun and flirtatious!

Heck, get a phone number or two. You don't have to act on anything but it will do wonders for yourself esteem.

[Jenna333]

I will! It will feel weird to be flirtacious...like I'm betraying him or something. Probably because I didn't want this. I have to remind myself that I'm single now.

Well, I called him to get the password because they never sent that email. I tried to get off of the phone ASAP, but he asked me if I was ok. I said yep! I sounded upbeat and strong. He asked me if I was still mad at him. I made like I didn't hear him and said, "What?" He said nevermind and dropped it. As I said bye, he said "Bye [insert nickname that he had for me for years that I always hated!]" I just don't know what is going through his head. Why bring up an old sentimental (to him, anyway) nickname? Before it would have pulled at my heartstrings. Now, though, I just feel annoyed. I'm going to go shower and fold laundry and fix my son some lunch!

[Hopeful321]

See, you can be strong. Keep it up.

I asked my H to join me New Year's Eve and he said the he was not ready to go out with me yet. I said ok, since I had a sitter that I was going out. He asked me 3 times, what are your plans. Finally I said just meeting some friends. And I did. But while I was waiting for my friends to join me, this walks up to me and starts talking. Nice looking guy I may add. He introducted himself and I did the same. He wanted me to join him and his friends. I said thanks but I am waiting for mine. He said ok and BTW, you have a nice a$$. Hey, that made my night.

So go out and have fun!

[Jenna333]

Woo hoo, I bet that did feel nice!

Ex will have no idea that I'm going out. I almost wish he did. I know I need to GAL and quit worrying about his feelings.

[Hopeful321]

You go GIRL!!!

[Jenna333]

Ex just left to take the kids to the library. He was pretty snippy with me. He apologized and said he's just aggravated. I didn't ask why. I walked away instead and got some more clothes into the wash. I'm not his shoulder anymore. He asked me if I've weighed myself lately because I look like I've lost more weight (I have). I had to practically force them out the door. He kept sitting around trying to talk to me. Not happening.

He keeps insinuating that I'm going to screw him over re: child support. Ticks me off! I'm not that kind of person. He said emotions are running high and people change because of them. If anything, I'm worried he'll change for the worse due to all of this. Not me, though. I'm coming out stronger and happier.

I'm definitely going to be sticking to these boundaries. I'm forcing myself to actually look at him and who he is right now, and I do not want that person for my partner. I could spend the rest of my life pining for the person that he was, but he is not that person, and I will not waste my time chasing a ghost.