Too Little, Too late. 2

[purgatory]

Well, I guess I'm in a new category now.....

Had an unpleasant finding about H which led to conversation with him. Long story short: he said he's 'warming up' to the idea of dating. Later in the conversation, I flat out ask him if he has feelings for [my best friend], he says:"that's not a fair question" (as if I don't know what that implies.) After dodging the topic for a few, he admits: "I would be lying if I said that I haven't thought about it..." He says he's never talked with her about it nor has he sat with these feelings and really processed them.

I didn't yell. I didn't cry. I didn't pester with questions. (still not sure how I was able to do that)

I have had this concern in the back of my mind for a while- especially since he dropped the bomb. I've approached it before with him, and he's always immediately denied it and said I was being paranoid/jealous... I have now come to the conclusion that he did this to deflect my concerns. I was foolish to actually believe him.

Even though this isn't coming from her, I don't want to see/talk to her. This is my BFF who is like a sister. She is my kids godmother and I am to her 3 kids. How could she be so clueless as to no notice and then continue to let this happen??? My H asked that I not blame her or go off on her and I responded with: "Please do not defend or protect her in any way from me, that adds insult to injury."

She was supposed to bring her kids over for ice cream tonight, I told my H that I couldn't see her (it was bad enough I had to see him tonight). He said he would tell her not to come, and when I asked if he was going to tell her the real reason why... he said that he was not going to bring up his feelings as the reason.

I feel so sick to my stomach. I feel betrayed, lied to and replaceable. If she becomes the OW,I am no competition for her. She is totally 'his type' and she likes to do all the same activities as him (which I reminded him that these were all new hobbies he picked up in the last 2 years, not the same person I met 9 years ago.)

I'm not sure what to do here. I don't think I can ever accept the idea of him dating her. I can't be around to watch this happen. It was hard enough to hear him say that he's ready to start dating... but now to know that it might be *her*. I will never get him back if they start down that path... she is everything that I wasn't in our M.... and the 'old me' is what he's walking away from.