Time for a new thread. No changes in mt sitch so far. W is pleasant and I have not backslide in a while. Trying hard to GAL and enjoy life. Depression is almost gone with some mild sad feelings by noon time. Sleeping better and eating ok. I am able to concentrate at work again so that is a good thing. I have some new habits that I thought I should share. On weekends if GALing is slow I hit the bay log on to this site read and type. Really helpful. I also walk every hr or so when feeling sad or anxious.Ride my bike when the weather is good. D and I have decided to try new receipes every weekend. I really love doing that with her. I always feared messing up the kitchen thinking W would be annoyed. Now I don't care and do what I think is fun for the 2 of us. Really loving it. Going back to chucrh has also been great. Meet new people every Sunday. I talked to the Divorce care facilitator who also attends and I said I would like to volunteer. Need to talk to one of the pastors.
W and I had some weird ways of communicating, maybe it was all me. Dunno. But everytime I told her I wanted to do something she would either not answer and just look at me or kind of go around the question with no definitive answer. That made me nuts. Now I just do regardless of how she feels as long they are positive behaviors and things that allow me to spend time with D.
The D is full force ahead submitted all documents and court is sometime in March.
The one thing that has been happening to me latetly is that I have started to question whether I want to save this M anylonger. Some say it is normal, I don't know. But I am now almost rushing to get this over with? My W's L has not even submitted the intial paper work even though she was out the door in July. I have really no hope that this will work out for us so I am planning for the worst and looking to the future.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Rick sound's like you have made peace with this. That is commendable and I can only hope to get there. How long did it take until you started to feel better? Asking because I am a total mess, no sleep, no appetite, and crying daily.
Me: 44 Bomb: 11/27/11 Divorced:6/12 Life goes on: 6/13
Grmpy sorry to hear about you feeling badly. I know that feeling of your head always spinning, scared and dispair. it took me about 5 months to snapp out of the deep hurt and pain. I still feel down, don't get me wrong but I can function now. What are you doing for you?
I attended a divorce care group there are many in every state. I attend church I call friends (but don't talk about sitch) I have hobbies I hang with my D I play video games I work out I ride my bike I take rides to the ocean I walk I cook I post here like crazy I take melatonim for the sleep and it is also a mild AD I see a C
You have to do stuff like that to get out of it. If all you do is think about W you will make this more difficult. Don't think of the future, thats is the hard part, but we don't know what the future holds. So don't waste your time. Hang in there
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Rick, If I can add my two cents to grumpy. Grumpy, it has taken me about 6 months to get to the point where I am, accepting of the sitch, sad, but detaching, with some slight backslides. Depression started to subside around 6 mos after the bomb, but all sitchs are different. Follow ricks advice and read, read, read other posts and threads, good luck!
m 54 XW 48 m 12 t 14 bomb 6-11 s 10-11 wife moved to other state 10-21-11 d 9-12
O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!
Also to Grmpy, It took me at least 6 months before I wasn't crying at the drop of a hat, started sleeping better, felt like I might someday be OK. But during this time I was riding my bike a 3-5 days/wk, yoga, meditation, meetings,going places with friends and reading, reading, reading.
If you read 25's recent post it pretty much tells the story.
Better days are ahead.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
"Anger is a defense mechanism where you take whatever is bothering you and is wrong within you, then you project it on another person and blame him or her for it. Frequently the other person accepts the blame, which satisfies you temporarily but doesn't solve the problem,"
Man have I been guilty of doing this^^^^^^.
"Resentment kills a fool" (Job 5:2).
"Don't you realize that this will end in bitterness?" (2 Samuel 2:26).
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Rick, I hope you are doing well. I think you're really starting to gather some momentum with the GAL'ing. It seems to me like your DivorceCare and your church have been a catalyst for meeting new people and helping gather the GAL'ing momentum. Keep up the good work! I still think you shoud go out somewhere and go horseback riding just to mess with your W. Who knows? It may be an out of the box GAL activity you enjoy?
I really feel like moving out and moving on. My L said no a few months back but maybe he is wrong. I just hate coming home now ..,that is new. I want to stop hurting this living together but separate is not working well for me. I love seeing my D when I get home but the rest not so much. I will talk to him again and see what he says cause I am tired and done. I dunno anymore guess I am tired of the rejection going on 3 years.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Rick, don't leave that house. Let her leave...she's the one that wants to end the family. Keep being the best person you can be in the moment, every moment...regardless of anything else. Do it for your own edification. And regarding legal issues...don't give an inch. Fight like hell for what's best for YOU.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Who knows? It may be an out of the box GAL activity you enjoy?