So some solid 180's this week that I am quite proud of, and feel like I am making some progress (for myself not necessarily for my M, that has yet to be seen)
After hearing a glowing recommendation from someone who went through it and found it life changing, I signed up for a 4 day workshop. I think this sentence from the description excites me the most "The Workshop marks the beginning of a new, more positive phase of life, a phase of greater awareness, connection, confidence, accomplishment and joy.
The timing was not coincidental I think, I really feel like I need this right now. So I checked with H to see if he can keep the kids and house running while I am gone and he said yes. I think he is under the impression that it is a work conference, and I am not intentionally keeping it from him but if he doesn't ask..I won't offer. I feel like that would be too pursuing, like I need him to know that I am working on myself. I don't need him to know that.
My wedding anniversary is at the end of February and that is actually when things really started to go badly for us, an event that happened on my actual anniversary triggered a lot.
This morning via IM he mentioned that our neighors sons bachelor party falls on that weekend. He said that it is on the Friday, and its an overnighter. So I simply responded "oh ok, have fun" and tried to end the conversation by saying "thank you for checking your calendar for my workshop, I am going to book it now. Talk to you later"
He came back with "hey, don't worry. Our anniversary comes first. I will figure this out"
I said "ok, we can talk later"
Not freaking out was a 180 for me. Does it hurt that the bachelor party is still on the table at all, sure it does. But under the circumstances I can't be surprised.
I do think he was expecting me to freak out when he mentioned the date of the bachelor party. He did seem surprised at my reaction or lack thereof. It was real, it was not an act by any stretch.
One of his biggest issues with me is that he feels like I control. So who am I to tell him what to do with his weekend. Honestly, if I have to tell him to spend our anniversary together, than do I really want to? It certainly wouldn't mean much if it is forced.
His reaction was also surprising to me. Telling me that the anniversary comes first is nice. We will see what comes of it.
