Never thought I'd be here.......part 5

[25yearsmlc]

Thanks, Rick and 25

Here is a question at large just regarding the content. One of the things that I have been very focused on in the "list of 37" is:

"not discussing the future - they aren't interested in a future with you right now."

Now, on the one hand I see how it is imperative to show how life and marriage to me would be better from "this day forward". On the other hand, I see how it is nearly impossible to make that point without at least "grazing" the future.

I am filled with fear that she just won't believe me and will react poorly and give me the "nice, but it's too late" line. I keep thinking about the lines she has hit me with:

"Maybe your changes will benefit your next relationship"

"It's over! I'm done! And there is nothing you can do or say to change my mind!"

"Give me a rule book on what to do and I'll read it! Better yet - give it to your NEXT wife!"

More recently: "I have NO trust in you at all. I trust that you will do right by our S, but that is it."

I think through those statements and become paralyzed with fear that any outreach on my end will be met with a hail of bullets. Still, I think the time has arrived that I tell her something about where I am right now. I just don't think she will believe me. Should I plan for a negative reaction initially and just hope the core message sinks in gradually?

I'll start thinkingthrough an outline later today......


Crimson

Crimson

I lack the time today to go back and read through all your threads so I don't want to forget or overlook your previous failings as a h when you send the letter. If this is semi urgent in terms of time, then refresh my memory on your w's major complaints, please.

IF I recall your situations details correctly, you were into your job too much and didn't help around the house but also you didn't listen well and you refused to have another child with her or you ignored her requests for one.

What else is there from HER point of view? I don't want to minimize it if there's something I've forgotten and when I say neglect, if I recall it right, you mean a lot of it, correct?


And the details of WHY she'd want this letter from you now? I saw the post in which she suggested you write it down and I liked that but now you are undermining that with other comments she's made.


I must have missed a part of your thread around here...can you flesh it out so that we recall what her complaints about you were

what she seems to think of your changes and for sure what backslides have you done that would make her distrust the changes?


What is the TRUST issue here? Dig deep b/c you seem baffled by it. Are you unreliable or deceitful or what?

Your fears about confessing too much, well, that comment makes me think that maybe now that you have bravely faced your failings you are coming up damn short, is that it?

Okay so can you outline what that means so WE can know exactly what it is that you'll be addressing with her. Have been honest here on this board? What am I missing?


Thanks for doing this as I know it won't be easy but then again, think of this refreshing our memory as a rehearsal...

(( ))