Purg - hijack to your heart's content...your dilemma was my dilemma for so long. My W was in no way able to even consider that the family (both sides) wasn't involved in a witch hunt. And like your H my W would not accept anyone reaching out, nor would she reach out to them.
In fact, I think that explains so many EA's. It's somewhere the wounded animal can go and feel safe, no pressure from family obligations, no judgement.
I don't think your h can accept the family until he begins to thaw. From the WAS perspective, the family and possible judgement, and the obligation is just more of a reminder of what they are running from.
I see this with my W. It starts with me. Until she could see and accept that changes in me were possibly real, then and only then could she start to feel more comfortable at home, then with other family members. So really, it took one to tango. If I hadn't of had the will to admit my role in this, work on me for the better no matter what the outcome (still not sure what that will be), give my wife the unlimited and no strings acceptance of what she needed to do for herself, then the road home would never had been open. And that includes the roads home to other family. But while the WAS rage and incindiery mindset are still in full on mode, then you just have to let time work its magic.
Also, the road back has to be accepted as what the divine wills it to be, as where your H is in his quest, in where you are in your program to evolve. All those factors play into it so it may take what appears to be a weird road back but whose to say it's not a better road?
For example, I would have thought my W (in my earlier mindset) would have simply had the light bulb go off in her head, she moves back into our BR, and we live happily ever after. Instead, we keep going on these frequent "dates". We are not physically intimate, yet we have been having the greatest times together. It's like we are 13 yrs old and are dating but too young to be intimate (at least as it was in my day). Whenever she needs comfort she just leans into me, I hug her and let her go. She doesn't hug back but just accepts it. Its like in the DB book where they talk about seeing the small steps. It's certainly a new road for us because in the first go round we moved into together, got engaged' had our first kid all right away and extremely fast. Maybe this time its two very different evolved people feeling out this new world. I'm watching her tentatively reach out to all these new areas for herself, trying on all these new concepts and ways of living and it really is sweet to watch. Whatever happens to us I feel I'll be always love that she has the guts to face all of her demons and will always love her no matter where i end up in this.
And like you I wish more DB'ers would post their successes. From my perspective it's as important for others to see that, as well as for me to hear their input on it just as it was when things were god awful. I'd love to hear more of how people came to terms with this and evolved and hopefully R.
