I have been reading in shifts.....thank you for keeping that one short....whew !!!
: )
Not "funny" as in Ha Ha.....Just funny as in odd. I read back through and see that pain, and although I remember it, I am removed from it so far, that I have to feel it through another's eyes.
That is one of the reasons I post still. To help remember that pain just a little, to guide me through the things I want to avoid falling back in to.
Kinda like anti-venom is made from venom.....
I endured so much through that time, and yes...I would go outside and scream at God to give me more. I never found my breaking point, and I hope I never will.
That was part of my inner strength, knowing that if God couldn't break me, then no mortal person ever could.
I knew the why....it was because I could handle it...
I did hit a rock bottom, yet the strength I had gained was what helped me through. Hitting that "bottom" was what helped me hear things I needed to hear, and work through things I needed to work through.
And although there was immense emotional pain, I wouldn't trade any of it, for the way I once was.
I'm the opposite of you in regards to my marriage surviving. Mine did not survive this crisis. My ex's choice was to end the marriage, and my choice was to let her go. The way that I let her go, was the crucial part , for me at least....
I am a victim of no other human. I choose to not give someone that much power over myself.
I let her go with love, and forgiveness. I let her go, not being a victim of her choices, I let her go to find happiness, and I am still hopeful that she can find that. Hopeful that she can give the things she was unable to give in our marriage. Hopeful that her demons will not be with her for her lifetime. I hope that one day, her regret will not consume her, on her path in life.
She deserves that, and our children deserve that from her.
I own my choices , and my choices alone.
I am in a new relationship now. One that is better, more open, more communicative, more everything that I wanted in my old one. The difference now ? Maybe it is because I am able to better give that than I was before. Because I chose to do that work on myself, and take the time to define what love means to me, and how I want to my partner to view me. And how I want to view her.
I can assure anyone here, that your troubles in your relationships, and the roles you play, will show themselves again in your life unless you confront them , and take them head on.
Rebuilding the trust in a relationship is the HARDEST thing one can ever do. Whether or not it is a reconciliation or a new relationship.
The common denominator ? Yourself.....
Do the work.....it is well worth it....
I think the reason I am posting on this thread is that I really want people to see two very different versions of what "success" looks like at the end of this crazy tunnel. That success isn't defined by your left ring finger. Success is defined by what each of us decides it is defined as. That the only person we have to answer to in this life.....is ourselves.
I view myself as a work in progress, constantly evaluating and changing the things I don't like. DBing is a way of life now for me. My boss pisses me off ? I DB him. MY work won't be done until they are shoveling clay on me.
Ahhh...the Cabana Boys ....( I really want to block that out of my mind, and thanks a million for bringing it up : p)
I remember the Parade, and finding that laughter once again. Some of the best, worst days of my life....
I think *KS*chick was right in the middle of that one too...
