Wife's Goal...Amicable Divorce! HELP!!!

[3rdStrike]

I am a 36 year old male who has been married for 15 years to my HS Sweetheart (dating for 19 years!!). In our first couple years of marriage we had some difficulties due to a couple of one night stands I was involved in. Things seemed to be just fine for the next 10 to twelve years.

After our daughter was born in 2004, W started experiencing symptoms of depression. I asked if it was due to my earlier infidelity which she denied for the next 7 years. We would have arguments in which I admitadly was not the nicest and was on rare occassion considered by her to be verbally abusive.

Early last year after struggling with multiple medications and still not admitting to me that she felt emotionally abused and still holding my infidelity against me, she began a long term affair of her own. She carried this on in secret but I knew something was wrong and immediately began making positive changes to try to win her back.

I thought we would succeed after she finally admitted the affair and committed to end it and give 100% to saving our marriage. We continued individual counseling and began marriage counseling. This began in September and seemed to be going well. We ended up having another "fight" just before the holidays.

We had a session with the marriage counselor before we left on vacation. We had renewed our intimacey prior to this and continued through the vacation. We had a phenomonal vacation and a great New Year trip. All through these trips she indicated that she was happy and loved me and was committed to the relationship. She said that she was the happiest she had been in a long time on New Years. When the clock struck Midnight she kissed me and looked in my eyes and told me she loved me. The one thing she got depressed about on vacation was about her parents and her Father's verbal and emotional abuse of her mom. She said she was ready to go home a couple days early. We also celebrated our 15th anniversary and I gave her a diamond necklace and a card that spoke about soul-mates.

When we returned home, her first day back to work included a trip to her individual counselor. She came home somewhat down and was talking about being tired of our marriage being tentative.

The next day was much better and we were intimate that night and she again expressed her love for me. The next day however, she returned home from a bad day at work and later that night told me that she wanted to leave me again.

I am fairly certain that there is not OM at this time. I believe that she is clinically depressed or has a hormone imbalance. She refuses to actually see a psychiatrist or a GYN to address the potential for factors outside my behavior.

I have assured her the I will not revert to what she considers verbal abuse in our fights. I drew a line in the sand and told her that I would leave at her request if I did. I have done almost all of the work to save the marriage to date and to no avail.

She has very little concern for how this disaster will effect our children ages (11) and (7) and believes that her true happiness lies in leaving me. She has told different versions of the truth to her individual counselor, our former marriage counselor (she fired her), and to me. She has me on a yo-yo.

I am about to the point where the last resort technique is in order. I am crushed and know that the marriage can prevail and be happy...problem is that she doesn't. The only thing holding her back by a thread is the kids. She told me yesterday that her goals in marriage counseling (new counselor)had changed and that her goal was to negotiate an amicable divorce! I think her individual counselor is prodding her in that direction...

I am totally confused because she says that she still loves me and that we are best friends! She says she just doesn't believe that the changes I have made and promised will last.

There are moments when she seems to be considering giving it a go and I see a hint of indecision in her eyes. When she is up, she is up. But when she is down, she is really down...

HELP! I am so confused...I don't know what to do!!! I am so down but doing everything I can to fight for our marriage and stay optimistic but my resolve is getting crushed by her daily...I am about to give up.