Well I have read every word of your sitch and quite a few of your posts made me say "yes yes yes" out loud when I read them because I could relate SO much.
I wanted to comment on your H's depression. I am not a shrink and would never pretend to be one, but I do know a thing or two about the issue as I suffer from it myself. As well, my FI is suffering from in as well (untreated)
And when I was untreated, I responded to people and my surroundings much the way your H does now. I wanted to point out that the drastic changes in him, either highs or lows, can be a result of depression. I went through this (and still do, but much more controlled )
I really hope that your H seeks some type of help. The "highs" (shopping at the hardware store, doing more than he has in months in only a couple of days, being happier in general) show that he is not so far gone he can't see the light. (meaning that he is not totally immersed in a depressed state)
And people who have a normal chemical balance will often fight a depressive life circumstance/phase on their own. But I fear the severity of what he may have experienced to cause this in theatre may manifest in other ways down the road for him if left untreated.
And I know it's super difficult as this is something he truly needs to come to know on his own.
I hope I'm making sense here as I feel like I'm rambling.
