How do you let go? Calling it quits.

[hope2011]

Well, H blew his temper this morning. I probably pushed him to it. I dropped my laptop a few weeks ago and the screen has steadily gotten worse to the point that the cracks in the plasma make it impossible to work on because I can't see the lower half of the screen. The boys have a computer that they never use (because their mom bought them each a laptop). Even so, H just had to replace the regular monitor with a flat screen a few months ago. Because they compete for the boys love with money and things... drives me nuts but that's another story. Yesterday I asked about the old monitor, wanting to hook it up to my laptop so I could work. No response. This morning I get ready to leave for the office and go to look for the old monitor and can't find it. I ask H about it. No response. I look again. I ask again. He says it might be in the back of a crawl space, behind a bunch of bunches and the cat's room (a removable box in the crawl space with a doggie door in the attic door so the cat's litter box is in there). Might be - as if he wasn't just in there a week ago putting up Christmas decorations. He knew it was there but also knew I can't get in there by myself and would need help. I ask for help.

Rather than say "it's in the crawlspace, honey, I'll help you in a few minutes", I got his temper. "Damnit, I'm working (he was looking at mail on his desk)!!! Why can't you find anything by yourself? (I couldn't possibly see it in the crawlspace!). Damnit (followed by more cursing)!!" and he huffed up the stairs, stomping along the way to the attic space, slamming doors.

Rather than engage him more, knowing he'd just scream at me more, I left and went to the office. I didn't slam anything, didn't respond back, just left. Without the monitor. But very mad. Seriously, he can't spare 5 minutes for his wife, knowing I can't see my screen and this is my job? And can't do it maturely, lovingly? He interrupts my work ALL THE TIME and I stop what I'm doing to see what he needs. I have never once yelled at him for interrupting my job. I am very supportive of him. If I knew he couldn't see his monitor to work, I would've stopped whatever I was doing yesterday to help him.

So I did good biting my tongue I guess and not staying and yelling back or crying. But maybe I shouldn't have asked him for help.

This is his first tantrum since we made up so I don't know if that's good or bad.

Do people with short tempers and selfishness EVER change??? Does therapy ever work for them??? And how do we go into therapy and talk about anything if I feel like I have to tiptoe so I don't set him off???????

Frustrated. 2 steps forward, 1 step back. Trying to not slide backwards again.