Indecision and the affair continues (Part 2)

[Nblost]

kml,
I agree. I seriously did not think I would hit it off with this guy...I wasn't in the mood to meet him at all and I had told him we could meet but I'm not sure I'm in a place where I'd want to date.

I'm not sure I should have admitted anything to H, but he thought much more may have happened, so in the moment...the kiss sounded innocent. (H then said, "so you were making out with some guy in the parking lot?" I said, "no, he kissed me good night...that is it". H said, "so, you have an emotional and physical relationship with him". I said, "I don't have any relationship! We went out for drinks one time!")

I don't know...but I think I agree that my sitch had approached the ridiculous and this "date" has given me more strength. I told H that I shouldn't have done what I did...we are still married and hadn't officially agreed to separate. He knows he can't really criticize me given his affair.

I am a cautious, analytical person so I am not going to jump into a crazy new relationship. I don't think it is a good idea. I am also going to be honest with this new guy about where things stand with my H (we have a temporary separation, but haven't decided to divorce).

In reality, if this guy is so great...he'll still be around in 3-6 months. He is still working through divorce stuff too. And, if he is great...I don't want to drag him through the muck that I'm going through.

H left this morning. He gave me a kiss on the head and said he was sorry we are in this situation. That's his usual goodbye, so not sure it means anything.

Selfishly, I think I deserve a momentary feeling that I will date again and someone cares about me. The past 6 months have been hell.

I'm also not sure much gets through to my H at this point anyway...