It does seem counter-intuitive. I want her to knwo that I am happy to listen, but she scurrys about the house like I am invisible. End of the week I''l have my own place and I can detach.
Originally Posted By: Kaffe Diem
My more recent challenge has been transitioning from boundary (ie. "Sorry, thanks for the offer, but I would feel uncomfortable to be there.") to detached (ie. "aw, man... thanks for the invite, I already have plans. Have fun.")
I'm close, though... I think it's more a case that I forget to say that, rather than actually feeling that...
But it starts with working through our emotions and bettering ourselves effectively, and through that, beginning to detach emotionally using boundaries if necessary...
Sound's like you are making progress!
Thanks for all the kind words. As silly as it sound's, this board is saving me right now.
Me: 44 Bomb: 11/27/11 Divorced:6/12 Life goes on: 6/13
So its been awhile and I'm up for a little journaling today.
I have moved on to my arpartment and it has been surreal to say the least. Splitting up bills and furniture. A couple of days ago she made herself single on facebook and took me off. Sound's trivial I know, but really? Come on are we 13 now? Been keeping up the LRT with no noticble changes yet. I tell myself to have patience, afterall it has only been six weeks. Drop in the bucket right?
Ugghhh....
Me: 44 Bomb: 11/27/11 Divorced:6/12 Life goes on: 6/13
Can you join a co-ed sports league. Great way to meet people in your new place and stay in shape. Might make her jealous.
Is there any activity or hobby you did together earlier in the relationship. I would pursue that again with vigor.
Why was she first attracted to you?
Think about joining a support group for people with anger issues. Again it will help you meet more like minded people in town. Might make her jealous when you have new friends
Hang in there. BELIEVE!
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Wife is out of town this week so I stopped by the house to pick up a few more of my things. Noticed she has taken down all the photographs of the two of us and placed atop "my pile". Man, this REALLY stinks!!!
Not sure if LRT is the right thing to keep doing here. I tell myself - leave her alone, she knows how you feel. Just give her a chance to miss you and heal.
She is supposed to file this month. I'm bracing myself for the certified mail. Am I doing the right things here? Do I keep up the LRT or do I say fine, where do I sign? Feeling like a major whiney wimp.
Me: 44 Bomb: 11/27/11 Divorced:6/12 Life goes on: 6/13
"Got an email from the wife telling me she "has made peace with her decision to divorce."
So.. why do you think she would do this? Seems to me she would have made peace with it when she said she did not want to be together anymore. Or when you moved out. Sometimes I think this part of it is something they (WAS) do just to keep you bound up and acting crazy. Can't really say if it is intentional or just something that happens naturally. Keep in mind that the process of "filing" is going to dredge up lots of emotion in her. Just stay even and solid with your choices. There is nothing that says you have to help her with the process. Let her do it. People don't always understand everything that comes along with a choice. until they are standing knee deep in the mud.
"Is it over? is it time to grow a pair and accept that she is not coming back? I'm feeling lost and desperate...."
This is why the first step is to always do something to get your mind off the "stitch". The quicker you can get your mind to stop wandering and your feet on solid ground the less lost and desperate you will feel and that is something that she will see.
So.. what are you doing to GAL?
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
Grmpy I posted a response to you on my thread but I will copy it here.
Grmpy sorry to hear about you feeling badly. I know that feeling of your head always spinning, scared and dispair. it took me about 5 months to snapp out of the deep hurt and pain. I still feel down, don't get me wrong but I can function now. What are you doing for you?
I attended a divorce care group there are many in every state. I attend church I call friends (but don't talk about sitch) I have hobbies I hang with my D I play video games I work out I ride my bike I take rides to the ocean I walk I cook I post here like crazy I take melatonim for the sleep and it is also a mild AD I see a C
You have to do stuff like that to get out of it. If all you do is think about W you will make this more difficult. Don't think of the future, thats is the hard part, but we don't know what the future holds. So don't waste your time. When I got home Sunday W has started to pack stuff in boxes. My heart dropped but there is nothing I could do.
It ain't over till YOU say it is over. Hang in there
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
