Also, I am wondering if any of you have experience with no discussion/confirmation of OW/OM? He won't admit it to me. But I saw proof. He probably doesn't want to admit it as it can get him in trouble with the Army.
Maybe a little trouble but I doubt it would be much, as I'm a former JAG Corp officer (lawyer) and don't know what 'crime' he's committed since you are not married. I'll check if there's a visa violation later on in the posts but that's for an immigration lawyer.
Furthermore, in combat situations commanders do NOT want their soldiers distracted by home problems while on the front. That's why IF you were married you'd have more support services available to you.
My h will be deployed this summer so I feel for you BUT we don't have a short history and we have children.
It's true that the engagement was convenient for a man who wants a woman waiting for him AND taking care of his things. Since he has retracted that and the engagement is off
what's going on? YOu are still chasing him and that's a turn off.
If you really want him back OR if he's just using you and has moved on
your best course of action is the same...(have you read the Div Busting books or the Div remedy books? They form the basis of this approach so it helps to know the terminology. Buy the books no matter what.
And buy "the Five Love Languages." too. After 30 years of m, I still find those the most helpful.
So, you back off BIG TIME and you GET A LIFE and become upbeat. If he contacts you, you act like the girl he fell in love with.
You are a woman only a fool would leave and you are NOT to act engaged b/c you are NOT.
that means no more snooping b/c he has told you or you told him, "it's off" so what's there to snoop on?
He cheated and it's clear. No "confirmation" needed. He should not have proposed but it did keep you on the hook while he could do...whatever...
sorry but I see it that way.
Yes you may be able to turn it around but it's by doing the same thing as moving on cutting your losses and NOT looking back.
he knows how to reach you if he wants...let HIM do the work or you'll never have reason to trust him again.
But I am sure this is how he can go to so easily throwing away what we have and wanting it to be over the moment he gets back.
I think before, after Thailand, thats why he was keeping me afloat with the "lets see how it is when I get home" because he wasn't sure. Now with OW it makes sense that he'd want me out of his life ASAP and for sure.
God I need help!
Or do you guys think since we weren't married that I should cut my losses and move on? Does that piece of paper matter to what effort you put in to keeping a relationship alive?
to me, heck YES...as do children. If I had no children I would have divorced my h when he went bonkers on me and moved along.
I'm not sad or proud or ashamed of that fact. But it's a fact that having kids motivates you to suck it up more and put your pride aside so you can handle MORE stress than you ever wanted...
but you have NO kids and NO wedding license so why on earth would a dating relationship
in the PRE MARITAL (comparatively EASY) relationship phase, without much stress and no kids or bills not being paid, or tuition or downpayments due , or job loss, etc
Just his physical absence to deal with WHICH he cannot do... why would all this be worth it for a guy you basically were just dating?
At this stage of things, you should be getting swept off your feet and loving the falling in love stage and now and then, learning how to resolve conflict
instead of hiding your feelings, fighting, escalating and then retreating...very unhealthy. Never resolving the conflicts. He lies or cheats, then gets caught and THEN he attacks.
great...not...
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
