Like Two Sparrows in a Hurricane (2)

[MAL]

I’m trying to balance the feelings I have for RC (and the desire to keep my options open) with the friendship that we now have. I had 3 decisions to face in church yesterday:
1) Where would I sit in Sunday school class?
2) Where would I sit during church service?
3) Would I leave right after church or have an option to invest in our “new friendship or whatever you call it”?

Decision 1) Where would I sit in Sunday school class?

When I got to our Sunday School class yesterday, RC was already there in his usual seat. He sits at the end of the double tables, leaving one seat to his right. The rest of the seats go around the table. I wasn’t comfortable about where to sit, but not wanting to appear rude or give the wrong impression I had to “wing” it when I walked in. I went to his right side as usual and put my stuff down. Then I went to get coffee. When I came back I still didn’t know what to do, so I took the middle road.

Since all of my stuff fills up the corner of the table, nobody can really sit in that corner spot. So I left my things beside RC and took the corner seat. That way my things were spread out beside him, giving plenty of room for him and his stuff and I didn’t look out of place. I’ve done that before, and it seemed like a good alternative.

Class went well and I didn’t feel too out of place (all things considered).



Decision 2) Where would I sit during church service?

This was probably the easiest part of my day.

The choir meets in our classroom to get the choir robes, so when our class was over, some of the choir members were already out in the hallway waiting. As soon as the door opened, they started drifting in.

As always it took me a little while to pack up my stuff. I didn’t know what RC would do so I just observed him and how he behaved. There was no change in behavior and he was not in a hurry to leave the room.

I got up with all my stuff and walked toward the door (assuming I would find a place in the sanctuary for all my stuff to stay until after the choir finished singing, wherever that may be). RC’s mom walked in right then and asked “Aren’t you singing with us today?” I responded “Yes, I was just going to go put my stuff down in the sanctuary.” RC was turned around facing me, and I am guessing was waiting for me (I am trying not to be naïve). He responded “Here, give your stuff to me. I’ll take it.” So I handed my stuff to him and thanked him.

K, the lady I’ve mentioned before who is also in our class and in the choir pulled me aside and said. “Well apparently he doesn’t mind you sitting beside him during church. Sit with him.” This is the same woman who told me to go back to sitting where I usually do like nothing happened.

Church service went as scheduled. The theme was ironic “placing trust in God and his timing and plan.” Our choir song fell in line with the theme. I didn’t really know the theme until I started listening to the sermon. It hit home BIG TIME!

The children were dismissed to children’s church after we sang, and keeping with the normal routine, we came down out of the choir loft. I decided to go straight to my seat this time, which was beside RC (where all my stuff was). I put my robe on the back of the pew (which is what I do when I bring it to my seat with me). It’s too big on me like many things. I am too short to wear it during the service. I would look like a little kid wearing grown-up clothes that are too long for me and you would never see my hands or feet! Lol

As I mentioned, the sermon was very well timed. At one point, the pastor asked us to pull out the hymnal and look at the song the choir sang. I focused on the singing and didn’t really take time to look at the words. Following his directions, I opened the hymnal, and WHAM!.....the hymnal just flipped to that hymn all on its own, “Trust and Obey.” I looked over at RC and smiled with my eyes really big. He chuckled and said, “Apparently you were supposed to get that message huh?” There are moments like that where we’ve experienced some unique things, so we have a history of sharing little things like that. (Sorry folks, I don’t always believe in coincidences. RC doesn’t either.)

In the middle of the sermon, I did the normal “wiggle” thing where I start to get a little uncomfortable in my seat. My lap is so short (again vertically challenged here, lol) and I can’t hold my Bible on it for long. It drives me nuts. Without even thinking about what I was doing, I naturally slid it to the empty space beside me. As soon as I crossed my legs, and put my hands under my legs (an attempt to get comfortable)……I felt the tap of RC’s hand on my arm.

I hadn’t even realized I was doing the “wiggle thing” again (focusing on the timely sermon), but RC rolled up his coat and pushed it over so I could put it behind my back.

I know it’s pretty funny for an adult woman to need a booster seat, but RC’s coat works just as well! I smiled and chuckled at the thought of the booster seat. I also smiled because I knew that RC had been watching me during the church service. (Knowing the guy you love is looking at you is a nice feeling for any woman to have. Knowing he is watching for that moment that he can do something kind – even better!) I looked over, squeezed his hand, gave him a big smile, mouthed “thank you” and turned back to look at the pastor. And out of the corner of my eye, I saw a big smile on RC’s face.

For those who didn’t get to read my original posts over on Newcomer’s….this was a topic that RC and I talked during one of our R talks in November. I talked about how sometimes it seemed that intimacy was missing in our R. But I told him how I took some little things for granted and how I realized that some of the little things he does for me are his way of showing intimacy. It’s not always perfect, but it still shouldn’t be overlooked. As an example I talked about the way he sees me wiggling during church and puts his jacket behind my back. During that R talk, RC mentioned how he wanted to give me his jacket that same morning during church, when he saw me wiggling around, but he had loaned it to one of our friends who was cold.

He has the memory of an elephant on most things. He may not be able to remember what he did this morning, and he may not be the best at communication, but when it comes to dates, names, and conversations, he can remember almost every detail. I have no doubt that RC remembers that conversation.

This has probably been the 4th time he has made that gesture since the R talk. To many this may seem small and insignificant, and something a friend would do when you know them very well. However, because of that R talk in November, and because of what I said about paying attention to the little things that he does, I am not going to dismiss it – ever! That is a mistake I made in our R.

And even if there is no future with RC (outside of friendship), it is a good lesson for me in future R’s. Don’t dismiss the small gestures – they add up!

That is probably enough about Decision #2. I’ll talk about Decision #3 in my next post.