That's rough, sorry to hear you are having to go through this.
My wife had some text conversations with a man last spring that were inappropriate. We've talked about it several times and the conversation never goes well. What's funny is that as inappropriate as that situation was, she always steers the conversation into how terrible it was for me to snoop. My H is the same way. He tells me how wrong it is for me to snoop. That I should trust him.
We are getting along now and have decided to work through our issues and repair the marriage, however I told her one of my non-negotiables is that she MUST stop being friends with this person (he's our neighbor). She's thinks it's controlling of me and said she could terminate the friendship, but is upset that I am dictating that she does so. I told her it's really her choice and that I will make my choice based on hers.He told me the exact thing. That I am trying to control him. But I am not. He just makes lousy decisions.
Anyway, I hate to be negative but really at some point we all need to decide what's acceptable and not acceptable, and make a stand no matter what the outcome will be. We have to have self respect. As Dr. Phil says, "You teach people how to treat you."
