The Last Resort, 2weeks and nothing :(

[hope2011]

I am really bad at snooping too. I found out my H had joined 3 dating sites last year and was talking to and trying to meet other women (I contacted them all and they all were very open and forwarded me everything and told me H never met any of them in person). I also found a pair of panties in one of his drawers he swore belong to his XW that he didn't know he'd kept. I'll never know the truth to that one.

Now, I find myself getting ulcers over worry about everything. Not trusting him at all. Always wandering what he's doing on the computer, who he's talking to, where he's at, etc - even when I KNOW he's not doing anything wrong. The trust is broken and that's hard to get over.

I agree with Accuray that they are "selling themselves"... the people they portray to OW/OM are not who they are. It's all a fantasy. They pretend to be the people they want to be. In my H's notes on the dating site, he was 2 inches taller, 5 years younger, wants kids, makes a lot of money, owns a yacht, etc. He wasn't out looking for "real love", he was looking for a band-aid to escape his life. According to him we were "separated" so it was all ok in his mind (another long story). In my situation I confronted him, with all of it and he came clean and decided he wanted to try to fix the marriage. My H sees me as a pushover so that was a 180 for me.

And I kept it all in case we D. I don't look at it, don't reread it because it breaks my heart and makes me hate H and want to give up. But if we do D, I have proof of infidelity and will not roll over. Maybe I will never have to use it and H doesn't even know I kept it all (including the panties) but I know. Is that good DB? Probably not. But it is being smart.