Too Little, Too late. 2

[purgatory]

Thanks for the care and support on a day that was really tough.

SH: thanks for the insight about the irrational behavior. I can see why it applies to alcohol and our WAS. I also remember a phrase about addiction that could apply our WAS too: 'don't listen to what they are saying, its the [drug or alcohol] talking, not your loved one.' I think in my sitch, its the MLC talking, not my H.

Journal:

I did enjoy my movie time yesterday. I came home and H and I put away all the Xmas decorations (finally.) We had family dinner and he put the kids to bed, while I read a book.

We talked about 'stuff' after the kids were in bed. H told me that he will most likely move out in 2 weeks, to give his friends enough time to clean out the extra stuff in his room. We talked about 'kid time' and came up with a schedule that we both like... it sounds good on paper, but we realize that we might have to adjust if the logistics don't work in reality. We agreed to to family dinner every friday night. I asked him about his plans/expectations for 'his' nights (because it didn't seem very practical for him to have both boys shoved into one room at the friends house.) He said he honestly hadn't thought that far ahead. [I have long suspected that he hasn't really considered what his choice will actually look like- and here was some proof.]

Here's where I need some help:
He said that he will want to see the boys everyday, even when its not *his* day. He is planning on coming to the house after work to see them before he goes to the gym (on his nights, he would then go to his place instead of home after the gym). On school nights (when it's his night), he will probably stay in the house and 'pretend' I'm not here and I can sleep in the guest room. On the weekends that he's in charge- he will sleep with the boys at his place, but probably spend some days at our house 'since that's where all their stuff is' (his words).

Here's where I have issues:
* this feels like he's being a cake eater- but not with me, with the boys. If H has made the decision that he wants out of the M, then shouldn't he *really* be out of the M and all the consequences that come with it?
* I don't want to make the boys sacrifice any time with their dad, especially since he's leaving in July for a year- and I will have NO free time unless I pay a babysitter. All family lives in Florida (we are in VA) so any help from them would be planned vacations (and those get expensive).
* H has ALWAYS been an amazing father and he's never done anything to deserve being punished by having time taken away from the boys. I don't think it's unfair for the boys to see their dad and be in their home as often as possible- in fact it will keep their life as consistent as possible right now... but I don't think it's fair to me to let him use our home as his 'second place' whenever it's most convenient for him- because the flip side of that is that I will never have time alone in my own home, I will always have to leave the house to get 'me' time because as we all know- the kids won't 'pretend' that I'm not there when we are all in the house together.
[I don't have any family or friends that I could stay with on the weekends to really take myself out of the equation]

Honestly, I don't have a major problem with this arrangement. But I wish he could see that he's taking advantage of the situation. In fact, he's going to be living a married life- the only things missing are sex, kisses and the fact that he has a place to 'get away'.... I think my H really does enjoy the married lifestyle, but since he has convinced himself that I am the enemy- he *must* divorce me, but not the lifestyle.

How do I handle this unusual situation??

We are meeting with our MC tomorrow, and I would like to bring up my concerns to see what suggestions she has (and maybe she can help him to see that his desires are leading to living a M lifestyle- maybe it would make him think about what he *really* wants). I have no clue what he plans on bringing up tomorrow... so I've got to get my game-face on and prepare.