Together since we were 15.

[Jenna333]

I'm having a hard time. What else is new, right? I've been up off and on since 4am.

Yesterday he met the kids and I at the grocery store because he needed to give me money and he wanted to see the kids. It felt so right to shop together...as a family He was enjoying it. He made more inappropriate comments. He said I looked amazing in my jeans, that he can tell I've lost more weight because my hips are more defined, and that...wait for it...I'm a sex goddess. Yeah, he actually said that. I was so down in the dumps that I ate it up and didn't tell him to not speak to me that way. It's so hard to fathom telling the person you love and want to come home to treat you like a friend, not a close one that you're interested in and can flirt with and have deep conversations with.

It seems most LBS WANT their WAS to stay longer, to flirt with them, to fall back in love with them. My situation, though I'm not saying is worse in any way, is so hard because he's doing these things and I have to get him to stop (except I don't want him to stop falling for me). His love for me is there, he told me, but it's not where it should be. Obviously. If he felt head over heels for me, he wouldn't be doing this It just feels so strange that instead of trying to get him to feel comfortable and welcomed here so he'll want to stay and he realizes what he's missing, I have to be firm in that he can't stay, can't flirt, can't feel welcome all the time. Dealing with a cake eater is so hard! I have to go against feeling like I need to attract him, because he's already attracted. He just wants both me and the single life, and he can't have both. It does feel like I'm throwing my chance with him away, but that's my low self-esteem talking, whispering in my ear that he won't miss me like I'm hoping he will. He did tell me after the last time we ML that he was expecting to miss me, but not like this. He even believes that the changes I'm making are being made for me, not for him.

Another part of me believes he flirts with me and wants to ML to me because I'm familiar, comfortable, he does have feelings for me (that he's obviously fighting), and he's lonely. That hurts so much. I don't even have words for how much that hurts. He was always so in love with me. Always. Why didn't he listen to me and get me counseling when I asked for it this past fall? That's when he was thinking of leaving. He says now that he should have.

He made a comment about buying his own house. That hurt me. I keep hoping we'll get back together before that and we'll get a house together. We were talking about my college and I mentioned that they have holiday parties. He said, "You won't have any trouble getting dates." I'd love nothing more than to bring him