IB, Right now you are exhausted, burned out and overwhelmed, but in time that will change. It can take a couple of years to get your feet back on the ground and stablize your well being, etc. Please give yourself some time.
As for how your xh looks, it's par for the course, i.e., it's difficult trying to be 18 again. The body can't take that kind of punishment for a long period of time as Mother Nature will step in and remind us that we aren't that age any longer.
Hang in there!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
