thank you for your reply and recommendation on the book have now ordered it (have been reading so many lately). Thank you also for the insight from a males perspective especially one who feels they know how my H might feel and think. I really value your insight so please do chime in and feel free to offer any further assistance it is very appreciated.
I have now started to realise that my H has a problem within himself which he conflicts with, in the sense that he has an image of his sense of self but his practices do not live up to them so he does not know who he is.
We have not been together for a while, his job gave us the oppourtunity to live apart (he is in another city now)we have been in true recon since Nov and i have noticed many changes in him.
A major talk we had at the beginning of recon were he apologised for a heck of alot of things admit his short comings admitted not knowing whats going on in his head.
This for us has been a first i have never seen him being so sincere and remorseful, his apologised in the past for things but never been this remorseful and admit guilt.
My rage came about because of the pain i had hung onto without realising it, it was brought to the surface when i checked his email (he knows i check) and saw that the OW had contacted him yet again and saw red, H had replied that he needs to be left alone but i never really saw that bit was too busy being in rage.
Once i had calmed down i realised i was playing straight into OW plan she had constantly being contacting my H in hopes of being a thorn in our relationship, in hopes of me finding out and ending the relationship (she even contacted H on our anniversary in an email he did not open saying 'hey, i miss talking to you, why dont you come online anymore? ive got a new computer so i'll do whatever you want online you can see me now, xxx) this helped to show me they hadn't had contact in a while at least.
Just after i went into rage my H suggested we try MC and IC as we cant do this on our own and we need to sort us out big time.
Last night i recived an email blind copied to me;
"Hi OW
Thnaks for your last email.
I know i always call on you when i'm going through s**t, then after that i don't call you. i know you said i got until the 9th to reply to your message.
I know I have been going through some hard times over the past weeks, thinking about it over the past year and i'm just taking up your life. I'm not going to keep you on the back burner. Its best we just call it a day no point in playing games.
You need to move on with you life, yes we had fun and that was it. It just lasted to to long we should have call it a day long time a go, in fact it should never have started.
If I do try and call, text or email you just dont reply its just me being dumb. We need to move on and stop trying for someting thats not going to happen, If it was going to happen then it would have, all we are doing is just wasting time and money point less.
Hope you understand what im saying, half of the time I dont make any point.
You need some one thats going to be there for you and love you. I dont love you at all i'm sure you worked that out a long time a go but not choicing too.
Wish you all the best in life
Bye"
To me its a formal start something which my H has never done before, anytime he has contaced OW he always got me to write to her or did it in front of me at my request which i see now was just forced so the contact never ended. This time he has done it himself no prompt from me so this is a 180 for him.
Now i'm thinking softly softly catch a monkey in terms of our relstionship. my H has said to me that me leaving him really work him up and scared the hell out of him, it made him face feelings he hasnt had to face before.
i quote i read in one of the books ive been reading is now my motto and has helped alot which i now have murged with my as always keeping hope and love alive. now it is;
ACCEPT more and EXPECT less and you'll have fewer disappointments whilst keeping hope and love alive
(just to journal after reading the accept and expect quote i started to accept that my H was confused so cudn't make a decision instead of expecting him to do what's right, also i accepted that he cud not give OW up as he needed a distraction and instant gratification from our problems instaed of expecting him to end it immediately (this was before he sent email to OW) and you know i havent felt as disappointed in him))
