As for dating you will know when it is the right time...kind of like a light bulb moment. You will just know. During the first part of my journey I was being pursued by a nice woman...had a lot of things in common and yes I was very attracted to her. In the end though, there was no way I was going to be unfair to her and drag her into my life as that would have been very unfair to her. Like KML though, during the last affair I was ready to move on and my mindset was totally different....there was no question for me at that point on whether to date or not....I just knew it was time to move on.
As for the secrecy...there are many thoughts on the topic. For me I kept it as secret as possible because I didn't want the pressure from friends to express how I was doing. I was good and that was the end of it. The things I did learn though is that the same friends who will sit there supporting you telling you how bad your spouse is will also being telling the spouse that they need to do what their heart tells them to....a double sided situation to say the least. For me in the end...keeping it a secret was a blessing in that I was able to stand completely under my own convictions without the outside influence. In the end secrecy is really to protect you....as for the secrecy of the affair.....That isn't your burden to carry. By letting it out of the box, for the most part you will in the end be criticized for it by pretty much everyone...even though you are hurting, the affair is out of your control, not your mess, and to be left alone. Control the things you control, yourself, and let the things you don't control follow their own path. It works a lot better in the end and that is experience talking.
As for this weekend N, seeing through his deception is very good. You know it is a game he is playing and making the choice to stop playing it with him will be hard, but it also another step towards protecting yourself.
As for leaving the board because you are "over it"....working this board correctly will keep your here. One is to help others and the other is in the end....we are all brothers and sisters of a war. There are friends you will make on here that will be friends for a long time.
