Hi, yes, your husband sounds like the mirror image of mine, who became cruel and seemed to enjoy deliberately hurting me. Still does for that matter. i think it assuages his guilt, or at least that is part of it.
Your h probably has had to do some very hard adjusting. Making it in a foreign country isn't easy. I live part of the year in a country [by choice] I wasn't born in, and although it is my choice, there is a whole different system to navigate.
I suspect that you husband does not understand himself at all, but I don't know him. It is certainly one of the stranger ML crises here!.
What I meant by victimhood it that you have a great gift of patience, clearly, but I wonder if there isn't a passive part of you that is reluctant to grab life by the throat, but prefers to wait it out? That can tip very easily into the role of allowing things to happen, which for me is an aspect of being a victim. You know the saying - Deal with what you have control over, and let go what you can't control and have the wisdom to know the difference.
Have you talked to your younger children about your plans?
