Alas, I'm one of those you speak of. By the time I found out my H was in an A, he ADMITTED that it had been 2.5 yrs. Well, That was two yrs ago.
He came home twice and left again.
Both times I found out, by his admission that he had been back in contact with her. Not SLEEPING with her, just talking.(so he says)
Since we've been seeing each other this last time, supposedly he's not talking to her at all. I'm at a loss as to why he keeps me hanging on if he can't give her up.
He knows what's at stake, He knows he will lose me if I find out he's lying again.
Something is keeping him from commiting to me and I can't help but think it's because he's in some way involved with her still and he feels if he's not living with me that he's somehow cheating on me less.
I've reached the end of my rope with trying to please him and win him back. This has been the worse 2 yrs of my life and I have to start to think in terms of making a life without him for me own sanity.
I'm doing things JUST for me now. Going out with friends,family and going to school.
I've finally just begun to be able to really detach. This is out of pure need to be free of all this drama my life has been immersed in for way too long.
I don't know the statistics of long term A's. Maybe JJ can let us know if he has any idea if the chances are less with them.
Regardless, we have NO control of them and their decison to stay with OP or come home.
I've done everything I know to do, so now I do nothing.
I've stopped calling him and making plans. I don't answer the phone all the time when he calls. He's sensed my changes and he's giving me crumbs again to pull me back into the dance but it won't work this time.
If he goes back to OW then he is not worthy of my love anyway.
If he loves me and wants our M then he will have to show me for an extended period of time and with zest that he wants me back, AND that he is wiling to commit fully to our R.
He's just pushed me too far and for too long. This is what I need to do for me.
I'd be interested in knowing the answer to your question as well if anyone out there knows! Rachael
