Sunday night, she hasn't been as chipper Saturday and Sunday as she was on Friday. I'd like to say perhaps she's beginning to realize how difficult this will be--but as we all know it takes time to move into a new space. Packing up is always easier then unpacking and deciding where things should go. Either way, I have been supportive and helped her put her stuff out in the car, and told her to take whatever she wants.
The other night I was freaking out about the phone--well she was using the phone right in front of me today and I saw what the new swype code is. So I really don't know how to interpret that...perhaps I'm over interpreting? She showed me some pictures that her brother sent her of a shed he built...this brother is her youngest, and he had been in some trouble with drugs, but got help and is doing much better, so it was a blessing to see what good work he did.
My goal tonight was to make solid eye contact with her, which I did...I also tried to smile alot with out looking like Christian Bale from the Dark Knight.
Thank God for my 3yo D. She is such a blessing in this difficult time. Her untarnished joy and absolutely adorable antics make the two of us laugh and keeps us joined despite my wife's desire to leave.
I came across a very good book last weekend. The Tao of Sexology, by Stephen Chang. In the book, he talks about the nine levels of orgasm for women, and how most men in the West are ignorant of the true orgasm that women need. There is an orgasm at level four, which most think is the finish line. He goes on to say that most of the everyday squables and things that lead to permanent marital discord, and divorce stem from this basic problem. There's a ton more good info in there beyond that--so if you're lucky enough to still be at the point where your wife will have sex with you--perhaps you can give the techniques a try.
Anyway--I don't think my wife has anything going on with this guy anymore. But when I read the last part of DB, right after Michelle talks about what to look for in a Marraige counselor, I freaked out. She says that if things aren't getting better, perhaps it's just that the WAS has made up there mind, and there's someone waiting for the marraige to end.
I have to be honest that after reading that part, and also the part about giving up when you know in your heart that it's over--I said maybe I should just give up on this.
It's been since 9/16/11 that my wife said she didn't love me anymore, In a week that will be five months of her not wanting to be with me in anyway. In addition, I have to admit that it's been really tough to go without sex for that long as well (we did it once but it was a huge mistake on my part. She didn't want to, but gave in to my badgering and begging, and it really hurt her. She's stopped hating me, but she hasn't forgiven me yet...she said she wouldn't). Thank God there's a fighter in me though. Never quit, never, never. Always perservere.
There's just too much riding on this to throw in the towel. I've read posts where people have been separated for two years. I think I can go at least until September of this year, before I take off the wedding band and say--I have to move on. Even as I write that, I still think that's not enough time. But we just have to take it day by day.
She's over at the place now getting it set up so my d can spend the night there tomorrow. She's coming back here to spend the night, and help get my d ready for school in the AM.
She's going to let me come over tomorrow to see the place as well. I'll go over there too to check out the place. My D is so funny because she now calls it Mommy's house. That's my fault, because when my d woke up this morning and asked where her mother was, all I could think of to say was, "She's at her house." When my W heard her say Mommy's House tonight, she turned to me and said, "I though we were calling it the ______town where house is physically located______-house?"
I smiled and said, "Sorry, I forgot." Now my D won't do anyting but call it Mommy's house...despite how the two of us try to correct her...ohh well, Kids you just have to love them.
"Things are never bad; it's the way you think about them." -Epictetus
