Informally separated from WAW, but DBing my best

[AlwaysTrying]

Hello, everyone.

This is my first post. I've lurked for quite a while.

My wife first talked about "I think I want to separate for 6 to 12 months" about 5 months ago. I wish I had taken her up on that 6 month deal! I couldn't. It hurt too much. I was so worried about the kids and what they would feel. If I had been able to detach then, I'm pretty sure I'd be well into piecing by now.

Instead, I freaked out, begged, pleaded, cried, stalked, spied, and spun into the worst depression I've ever felt, for months.

I'm committed to a slow and steady DB and keeping my family together. I'm resigned to how this is going to go. Last couple weeks, my wife and I have been warming up. Last few days, she's gotten colder and tried to push my buttons. I've gotten pretty good at disconnecting the buttons and reacting calmly, but yesterday was a day I could have done better.

I'm looking for advice on how I can do this better in general. My long-term goal is a loving marriage, obviously. The big event I'm hoping to come to in the next few months is for her to take an interest in doing things that can improve our relationship instead of being hostile about it. I need to focus better on my short-term goals in getting there.

I'm 34. W is 35. My D from a previous marriage is 15. Our S is 6, D is 3.

I'll post a timeline in a few minutes. Probably more than a few.