I got a little angry about the constant contact with the OM, especially on the cell phone, so I finally contacted a lawyer about a divorce. I'm not interested in filing, but she's making no real effort to cut off the relationship with the OM. The words that resound in my head from a previous argument are "I can't help the way I feel" which is a tad ridiculous. I want a resource I can go to when/if she files.
This past week was weird, she's still stressed about not finding a job, and her plan of just up and moving away with OM fell through when the jobs weren't there. As of Thursday she was all upset as she had a good line on a 5 month temp job that they gave to someone else. She was tearing up about it telling me, and although supportive there was a side to me that kept thinking that "karma is a bear." Nevertheless I kept being supportive. I suggested she consider her next therapy session, because I think all this is still some other underlying issue. I don't think she is being completely true at her therapy sessions either, but I'm hoping if she goes a 2nd time (she's only done one) she starts to communicate about what her real underlying issues are.
Friday she got a followup call from the same job, saying the first candidate had backed out. She's excited of course, and the job interview is tomorrow. She now feels she doesn't need therapy as it's a lot of money to just tell her how she's depressed about not having a job (sheesh, never mind crapping on her husband). She got another call for another position and has an interview in a couple weeks (her birthday in fact). This is a permanent and high paying job, which she thinks she doesn't have the best chance at, but it's with the same company that laid her off and they have her employment history and references internally, so I think that's a good sign.
I met with the attorney on Friday just to go over what my options are, the risk of holding on. I still want to see if we can make this work, but I can't just sit here not knowing my options. We hung out Friday night, watching TV and I took her to dinner. We had a nice time, it wasn't quite as forced in conversation as it's been in the past. We got home and were both tired, so after a little more TV I went upstairs to bed and she stayed on the couch as always.
Saturday was me up and getting ready and heading to the gym. She also showed up at the gym, getting there when I was about halfway through my workout. I ended up on the machine next to her, but we were both in our own little worlds (which is typical for a workout). Headphones on, etc. She ended up leaving before me, I told her I'd see her at home. When I got home she wasn't there so I figured she was at the grocery store as she typically doesn't roam around in her gym gear all day. During this timeframe I think she had a call with the OM. They seem to call each day around noon for about 30 or more minutes. I wonder what they can be talking about with this much time, and I still have no idea where the guy is at. He's obviously not local, and she seems to be more willing to interact with me. Her cell detail I have access to--it's my account actually though she is reimbursing me, and the OM didn't contact her on Christmas day which I find odd.
Saturday after we both got cleaned up I suggested she join me for a trip to the local mall, and she agreed. We went to lunch, and she picked up the tab, something she hasn't done in about 3 years. I have no idea why she did this, but I was thankful. At the mall we kinda went our separate ways in some stores, in fact it was pretty much how we would hang out normally before the OM entered the picture.
I kinda feel like a sucker here though, she's basically living off me--the only thing she contributes to my life financially is the grocery and cooking she does, and I'm spending more time with friends so I'm only home 3 nights a week or so. It's a roommate situation, and I am concerned that she doesn't have any picture of a future with me in any romantic way. As I sit to her and look at her I just want to reach out and touch her, but I don't, and she doesn't initiate any physical contact with me. It's like she's just putting up with me until her job situation is rectified so she can comfortably take off. There is no indication anywhere I can tell she's initiating divorce proceedings--she's too wrapped up in work search and finance management. She's very unorganized so I think if she was filing or thinking about filing there would be some evidence somewhere--she is the type of person that has notes on the back of whatever envelope she found last, and then she searches for an envelope for 2 weeks ago and finds one from last week without the note she wanted, so I don't think there would be effort on a divorce without some evidence.
The son is pretty much removed from the situation. He's 15, spends most of his time immersed in his online games with mostly school friends. He eats dinner with us sometime, and I'm not spending as much time as I'd like with him but neither is she. This part is kinda sad, I talk to him and we have a good chat but that's about it.
So I'm in a holding pattern. I've decided I won't file for a divorce because I still love her, but she's not doing anything. I've tried to go dark, and it's nearly impossible for me to do. The fact she will engage and talk to me (and share details about herself, her friends, her life) is all very strange. She's really leading 2 lives here, and I don't know how she can reconcile that.
