Kaffe, thank you for the great advice. It's great to get such positive feedback.
Tonight is the first night she's officially staying out of the house. She was gone all afternoon and it was hard feilding my 3 yo d's questions about when is mommy coming home. she spent most of the day shopping for stuff for the new place. I had some angry thoughts going through my head.
last night I got a terrible night's sleep and at about 1:30 in the am i backslid and tried to spy in my w's phone. but she had changed the swype code so i couldn't access it. this of course snet thoughts of the om racing through my head. I guess that's what I get for spying.
i'm really insecure that she's using this as a springboard to rekindle her relationship with this co-worker. although she defriended him on fb, and told me that she wasn't going to pursue him anymore. but back during the crazy times, she also used him as a verbal torcher device, because of course I wasn't in control of my emotions...I am now.
that being said, last night and today, was a mental storm of how to spy on the new place to see if she starts up with him again, or even thoughts of physically hurting the other guy, which is ridiculous. I am against violence, and using it will only create more of it. Not to mention the fact that I'm a father and a professional, who can't be running around beating people up like some school-boy. I did watch Mission Impossible (fun, but violent) the other night though...See, It's Tom Cruz's fault after all!
So when she left tonight, after putting d to sleep, I was sitting on the couch reading a book, I said, "Good bye." and she said, "Have a good night." Which is positive... she usually mutters good-bye so that it's barely audible. so that's a notch in the W&W (wait and watch) column! She also offered to give the Kindle back to me, which I thought was a nice gesture.
It is sort of funny though to look around the house and see what's missing. She took the in-house tool box, which gave me a little pang of heart-ache. But it's not a big deal, I keep all the good tools in my work-shop anyway.
So the plan tomorrow is to get up give my daughter a good breakfast and then head in to church. I'm afraid to tell my friends there that we are separated. I really haven't rehearsed how to say it, and honestly I don't want to. Maybe I'll skip tomorrow, but my daughter likes to go, and she's got a few little friends there. Plus, maybe I could put a note in the prayer request pan to pray for a family in crisis.
I'm also having a poker night in two weekends, and I'm not sure what to tell my buddies--many of whom I work with. I just don't want to keep fielding infinite questions over the next few months about how my w and I are doing.
I sort of made the mistake of telling a close coworker, she's like a den-mother to me. and she keeps asking me, and talking about it. I'm going to ask her not speak of it anymore, because I don't want it to get out.
Anyway, that's what's going on. I felt terrible much of today, but after she left, I got up, did some exercise, cleaned the bathroom a little bit, and journaled on dbforum--and you know what? I feel much better. Good night, and God bless.
"Things are never bad; it's the way you think about them." -Epictetus
