Forward, slow as she goes

[BeingMe]

Thanks everyone. I'm feeling a bit lonely and unwanted today, but trying to get through it. I'm just getting over a cold, so that doesn't help. Even the dog snapped at me. He is probably feeling my aura of downess. Eh, I'll get over it, but in the meantime, just feeling the feeling. H has texted last night to let me know he's in China, and I haven't heard from him since (I think he does this as another way of getting to me ... he knows that I think he has OW, and that it's one of the women he travels with). This used to bother me, because I feared something had happened other than a mistress, but this time I don't care. It's long time coming for me to let go. I need to find a GAL project other than my university courses, which keeps me indoors and on the computer, or reading. I need to get out, even if it's cold and damp. But where? I'll have to put some thought into it. I could go to the gym, but that's a solitary thing too.

I managed to write my poem for my poetry course at uni today, and it showed what I was feeling. I have to laugh at how ones feelings show up in different places, especially in poetry. Here it is, if anyone is interested (hope y'all are having a better day than me):

Love doesn't live here anymore
it sneaked out the back door
while I wasn't looking
cold indifference took its place
joy died, fun failed
The Career is now worshipped

“It puts food on the table,” he said
I didn't know that that was all it did
put food on the table, while love
moved out, and life was dulled
by constant business trips
each lasting longer and longer

I couldn't eat that food on the table
It had grown cold, and rancid
and bitter to the taste
Soon, I too will follow
the way that love went
out the back door