Where to next?

[antlers]

Sometimes you just need to say fuk it.

I've heard that before. What book was that from?

Gineen is right. Harmful adaptations to existing like you are include walking on eggshells.
It's insidious and demeaning to have to do that. You walk on eggshells to keep the peace or a semblance of connection. You second guess yourself so much that you feel as though you have lost yourself.
Recovery from walking on eggshells requires removing focus from repair of your relationship and your partner and placing it squarely on your personal healing. The good news is that the most powerful form of healing comes from within you. You can draw on your great inner resources by reintegrating your deepest values into your everyday sense of self. This will make you feel more valuable, confident, and powerful, regardless of what your partner does.