Putting it back together, but SSM issues linger

[Accuray]

I don't know, my wife doesn't think I'm controlling. Labug read that into one of my posts and that's how "controlling" got in here.

My dynamic is more that I have high expectations for myself. Since I can be hard on myself, my W can feel that she's always under a microscope, being judged, and that she doesn't measure up. That's quite different from being controlling, as in my instance all she has to do is observe how I regard myself...I don't have to say or do anything to her to inspire this feeling.

My IC says this makes my W feel unsafe, shes afraid that no matter what she does it won't be good enough. She feels that if she tries to do something for me I will never be satisfied and there will just be another thing and another thing after that that I will want and it never ends. Exhausting right?

The thing is, I'm not "doing this" to her, she's bringing most of it to the table herself. My job is to understand it, to look at what I'm doing that triggers it or makes it worse, and stop doing those things. I'm hoping that the IC can help us to make her feel safe just being herself.

I do have to say that so far my abstinence pledge is working for me and of course W hasn't complained. I feel in control of my emotions and W doesn't have the chance to dissapoint me sexually. This helps me be relaxed with her. Going on a week now, still waiting for it to drive me crazy.

Accuray