Wife Left (Part 2)

[CO1978]

Today W called to ask if I wanted S, said she could drop him off because she had to be at work at 6 pm and could pick him up in morning. I hesitated and said that was fine. She asked if I had plans, I said "yes" (I did have plans to go out with some friends) but told her I'd rather be with S.

I told her she got some mail. She asked what, I told her it looked like some kind of loan papers. She said she couldn't get car loan any longer, because the car price, car make and mileage where impossible to match to what she wanted and was allowed for the loan.

I asked if it was so bad keeping the car she had. She said if I minded her driving a car that was in my name and under my insurance, I said why would I mind. She hesitated mumbled then said nothing.

I asked her "what" and then it happened.

She told me she didn't want to keep my hopes up and in so many words told me she wanted "D". She told me she felt empty, and could forgive me but could never forget the past. I asked her if that is why she wanted to go to counseling, she said yes.

I then entered non DB mode.

I tried reasoning with her. Told her of how I changed, how I wanted to show her. She said that was all good, but didn't change anything. I told her I changed for me not her, she said that is good, she was afraid that my changes were not genuine.

I told her D was not the answer and it wasn't good for our S to grow up with divorced parents. She said it wasn't fair for him to grow up with parents who fought and didn't love each other.

She told me 2 months of changes doesn't erase the past 2 years. Especially the last 8 months. She told me she could never love me again, not after thinking of killing herself because of me. She couldn't ever have sex again because she would be afraid to tell me if it hurt and have to stop that sometimes I would be sweet about it sometimes I would get mad.

She continued to throw all the small things at me, which added up to her not loving me. She said she tried so hard 8 months ago to save our marriage, but now its too late. I told her I wasn't that man anymore, I begged and pleaded for her to consider starting over.

I told her respected her decision to move out and when we first met we weren’t "in love", but we did fall in love. I told her maybe we moved too fast by living together right away, and never giving ourselves a chance to just date.

I asked her if she had any feelings for me. She said no, she just didn't want to hurt me. I said, well that has to be some kind of feelings for me.

She told me she can't love me again. I asked her if she told herself to fall in love with me when she met? I told her she never could know unless she tried. I continued to try to convince and reason with her not to give up and to try, but I should have known she wouldn't listen.

She said we could talk more about it in the morning. She said she wasn't going to go after any of my money or retirement or anything like that in the divorce and she wanted us to still get along for S. She said her family is all mad at her over this.

As I said I knew I entered non DB mode, but couldn't stop. This really SUXXXXXX!