Not removing personal responsibility from the equation....
But have you considered your W does not feel in control of her own life?
It may not be necessarily your behaviors but the circumstances.
For example: my job moves me a lot, so it kills most chances of my wife having a good long term career. Thus I pay the bills, this makes things worse.
Now from what I understand both of your W's work, so maybe it's something else. Try to find if there is something in her life she feels helpless about.
