WHG: Down the rabbit hole I guess

[adinva]

I thought it sounded good. But then I read OT and agreed. I really have no experience or training, and fear the day I might need to tell my kids. But I'll add a thought.

I think everyone's tempted to avoid the heartbreak of seeing their kids cry, and they want to try to skip that by painting a reassuring picture and getting everyone to the point of being OK with the future. Let them cry, let them know it is OK to be sad, and their sadness isn't going to break you or hurt you. Don't put them in the role of having to appear OK in order to help you be OK. Feel the feelings with them, whatever those feelings are - mad, sad, apathetic, whatever. Meet them where they are. Answer the questions they have, not the ones you think they will have. Let them know it's the start of a conversation, not the whole conversation, so they can bring it up again later if they have more questions.

I think there must be some reason why I don't feel it's OK to be sad or mad, and not being able to recognize my feelings has turned out to have gotten me into a marriage that was probably not right from the start, it just took us 20 years and two kids for it to blow up. So I'm all for being real with feelings if you can, even if they feel painful.